


Lost In Limbo

by PrettyBlossoms



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: 17-18 years old, Aged up characters, Badass EVERYONE, Boys In Denial, Bullying, Depression, Eventual Romance, F/M, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Groping, Homophobic Language, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Slow Burn, Violence, brotherly Stan Uris, not exactly canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-01-17 16:02:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 33,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12369213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrettyBlossoms/pseuds/PrettyBlossoms
Summary: Dealing with the pressure of being a teenager is proving to be too much for seventeen-year-old Eddie Kaspbrak, who is unable to deal with his overbearing mother's expectations and violent school bullies. To make matters worse, he is fighting a losing battle with his sexuality.Meanwhile, Richie Tozier is trying to convince himself that what he feels towards his best friend is a mere attraction, covering it up by being a womanizer.Are they destined to crash and burn, or will they realize that they are exactly what the other needs to stay afloat?





	1. Prelude

**Author's Note:**

> {Song recommendations to listen to while reading this chapter:  
> Sad- Maroon 5  
> Cough Syrup- Glee Version  
> Not Strong Enough- Apocalyptia  
> Blue Neighbor Hood (Trilogy)- Troye Sivan }
> 
> Tumblr) Prettyblossoms :D
> 
> Please encourage me by leaving comments and kudos~!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is basically background information. If you are not interested, you can skip to the next chapter. ♥

**Prologue**

**October 1993**

At the young age of 17, Eddie felt like he was having an identity crisis. Even though the world remained spinning for everyone else around him, his had been at a standstill for three years. For most of his life, his mother had embedded her overbearing views into his life, causing him to become an anxiety-ridden hypochondriac.

Even after finding out that there was nothing wrong with him, out of the sake of routine and comfort, he continued to carry his medications and inhaler. While he can proudly say he does not rely upon on the pills anymore, he can’t say the same for his aspirator. Whenever he feels that sickly feeling of his chest tightening or is in stressful situations, he succumbs to using his inhaler as if it was his holy grail. Being the short, wheezy kid who always wore colorful clothing, combined with the fact that he is socially awkward did not help his situation.

Although he still cherishes his childhood best friends, he tried to make additional friends, just as the other Loser’s did. He joined the track team, despite his mother’s fits. Surprisingly enough, when Eddie was calm and not afraid of what could happen around him, he ran at a decent pace. Upon hearing he made the team, he was relieved to have some normalcy and be apart of something like the other Loser’s, but his primary goal in joining the team never came true.

Since socializing was not a subject Eddie did well in it was no surprise to him that he failed, miserably. How could he even blame them? It’s not like anyone would want to be around the walking bully magnet. After Henry recovered, he and his goons became relentless towards the Loser’s club.

With passing years, Bowers and his mindless puppets began to lay off certain members, until only Richie and Eddie remained. Richie, Eddie assumed, was just picked on because he has always had the habit of sticking his nose where it didn’t belong. Richie also felt the need to say whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. His old habit of talking about people’s mothers and speaking in annoying accents was still one of his favorite past times.

Bowers was no idiot though; he only pushed Richie and himself when the other Loser’s were not around. Which wasn’t often. Eddie wished he could say that the reason he was even a target was that he was like Richie and spoke his mind.

Unfortunately, the truth of the matter was that Eddie was an easy target. First, he only grew to be 5'6 and 125 pounds, making him one of the smallest guys at his school. Often more times than not, Henry referred to him as a gay girly boy. While he could agree with the fact that he is indeed small, he would never openly admit his battles with his sexuality.

Sex was one of the many topics Eddie feared, due to his mother’s forced views of germs as well as trying to seclude him from the entire world. She always told Eddie, “All you will ever need in your life is your dear mom.” After he stuck up for himself, however, his mother did begin to lay off in fear of making the boy go over the deep end. She always did find stable ground to getting under Eddie’s skin. During times when Eddie mentioned anything remotely close to relationships, his mother would butt in and say, “Find a woman who is just like your dear mom, Eddie.”

Oh, how he wished it was that easy. Being in a relationship with a girl, _entirely unlike his mother_ , might he add, was an impossible mission. During his younger days, he wished he would have fallen in love with Bev, like many of the other Loser’s did. With her beautiful red hair, piercing blue eyes, and witty personality, she deserved all the attention she got. She bettered with age and quickly blossomed into a stunning woman who always stands up for what she believes in. Eddie could always count on seeing her at school wearing dark crop tops, light jeans, and her favorite boots. For the most part, she smelled like flowery perfume with hints of cigarette smoke. Despite having a hard life, she had overcome her abusive father and found beauty in her skin. Although Bev only stood at 5'5 and weighed 120 pounds, she had all the potential to be someone’s whole world. Unfortunately for Eddie, there was just one person he ever considered being close enough to that position. His name most certainly was not Beverly Marsh.

Speaking of the other Loser’s club members, Bill was still the solid foundation the Loser’s had been founded on years ago. He had finally found strength in his loss of Georgie and began to live his life without worrying about It. Bill is very popular around the school and is known for being on the Baseball team. While he only stood at 5'10 and weighed 165 pounds, he was still the best player on the team. Bill is also proud of being an avid member of a program for kids with speech impairments. If that isn’t enough, he is also the founder of the creative writing club. After years of taking speech classes, his stutter is almost nonexistent. He still has trouble when speaking words that started with ’S,’ ‘C,’ and ’T,’ but always manages to get his point across.

Stan is the same size as Bill and they are also the closest. They are on the baseball team together and have always had the same classes. Stan may be soft-spoken just like Eddie, but Stan was by no means unpopular. He was involved with many different clubs and was the founder of the Birds club. He is also still one of the more level-headed members of the group, the voice of reason. The only person who seemed to hurt his personality was the Trashmouth, of course.

Eddie knew that Mike was hands down the most famous member of the Loser’s club. He grew to be a staggering 6'1 and weighed 190 pounds of pure muscle. His strenuous work on the farm paired with being the quarterback of the football team had done wonders on him. Despite his position in the school, he remained one of the kindest people someone could meet. Also, Mike was blessed with the gift of attracting the opposite sex. All he had to was walk into a room and girls would instantly be drawn to him like a moth to a flame.

Ben had physically changed the most out of all the group. Upon entering high school, he became a member of the cross country team. With a well-balanced diet and his new interest in running, he quickly shed pounds of fat. He grew to be the same height as Bill and Stan but weighed 170 pounds. He was the founder of the Poetry club and was dating the object of his affection, Bev.

Richie’s life remained the same, for the most part. He still had problems at home. His mother practically had a bottle glued in her hands, meanwhile his father was either working or of having an affair with a random woman. Eddie often wondered how the hell Richie even grew to be 5'11 and weighed 160 pounds with how mistreated he was.

Due to the instability at home, Richie was very quick to rebel and ditch. When he was forced to go by Eddie and their peers, he either doesn’t take it seriously, falls asleep, or fools around and gets detention.

Eddie knew for sure that Richie didn’t even bother to go to those. Since their lockers are right next to each other, Eddie is very familiar with the contents inside Richie’s. An assortment of mixtapes with Guns N Roses, Toto, and various other artists was scattered everywhere underneath crumbled up paper that he would let carelessly fall onto the floor. Eddie would always end up having to pick them up. Each time he did, he was very cautious. He treated them more like they were deadly weapons rather than pieces of paper, only because he knew how dirty Richie could be.

Just despite the school, the only form of organization in the locker was all of his detention slips he had accumulated over the years. They are neatly taped to the inside door of his locker, and he only needed one more fill the remaining space.

Many would think Eddie is more than a little strange knowing the exact contents of Richie’s locker, but it is no surprise to the Loser’s club. After all, Eddie knows everything about Richie. He knows when Richie is sad just by looking at him. It isn’t apparent either because Richie has the perfect poker face that the others don’t notice. Except for Eddie. Eddie swears he can see the depths of that man’s soul through his captivatingly brown eyes that whether they are behind coke bottle glasses or not.

He can decipher Richie’s smiles and laughs and figure out the exact cause of them, even if he wasn’t present to hear the joke. He can predict Richie’s comebacks, his outfits for the day, his taste in food, and much more.

Eddie knows that Richie is the same way when it comes to him, after all, they are best friends. They knew everything about each other. _Well, almost everything_.

Richie didn’t know that Eddie was _struggling with his sexuality_.

He didn’t know that Bowers and his gang still _tortured him_ relentlessly.

He didn’t notice because he was _too busy_ being a _notorious womanizer_.

He especially didn’t notice that Eddie was about to _crash and burn_.

All because Eddie is _hopelessly in love with him_.


	2. In a Land of Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Anyways, Eds, fucking is a sport. I don’t need a team, and it’s preferred to play in your birthday suit! It is the best kind of sport out there if you ask me.”
> 
> "You’re fucking repulsive. Who gives a shit about a sport using only your wrists?” Eddie teased.
> 
> “More like a sport using mainly my hips! Though I do use my wrists too.” Richie said as he made thrusting gestures and wiggled each one of his fingers. He thought his joke was so good that he tried to give Eddie an air high five. 
> 
> Eddie scowled at him as he got out of the car.

**Chapter 1: In a Land of Confusion**

Eddie awoke to the screeching sound of his alarm. While it was only a small piece of technology, it sure was loud. The noise managed to echo off his white walls and penetrate his fucking cerebellum. He reached over to try to turn it off, but it only continued to spiel profanities at him, taunting him. Reaching his boiling point, he immediately clasped onto the alarm and smacked it so hard on his nightstand that the batteries flew out.   _‘That’s for making me almost go deaf,’_ He inwardly thought to himself. He jumped out of his bed and quickly made his way to his restroom.  

Upon looking at himself in the mirror, he was utterly taken aback. His hair was unruly. From hours of tossing and turning. He knew. The next thing he noticed was his eyes. Typically, they were vibrantly brown, and Bambi like. However, at this moment all he could see was that they were bloodshot and glassed over.  _From getting no sleep._  Eddie knew.

He also noticed that he was paler than usual. Sickly pale. So much so that the freckles that danced around his nose were very noticeable. In the past, this wouldn’t have been an issue, but he is on the track team now. Initially, when he joined he did everything to prevent sun damage to his fragile skin by lathering extreme amounts of sunscreen on at a time, the sun still managed to curse Eddie with a decent tan. He knows that his skin should be darker than what it was now.

Knowing that he was on a strict schedule, he began to focus on his purpose for entering the restroom. He grabbed his mouthwash, toothbrush, toothpaste, and floss out of the medicine cabinet. He started his ritual with the mouthwash to eliminate the germs he had accumulated in his mouth when he was sleeping. The floss followed to ensure that anything stuck in his teeth from the previous meal did not end up living in his toothbrush. He then proceeded to brush his teeth, paying careful attention to each one. Finally, he used the mouthwash a final time to guarantee that it was in fact, clean. He smiled into the mirror and noted that his teeth were immaculate.

Moving onto his next task, he grabbed his brush and began to tame his hair that had been sprawled out in every direction. After a couple of strokes, he deemed his hair acceptable and quietly exited the bathroom.  

Once he reached his bedroom, he grabbed the outfit he already had picked out for the day. He slipped on his favorite yellow shirt that Beverly had given him this year on his birthday. Next, he pulled his red track shorts over his boxers.  The length was just long enough to cover his boxers, but short enough for Eddie to remain comfortable. He pulled a black hoodie on over his shirt that was a little too big for him, meaning that it probably belonged to one of his friends. His bet was on Stan, seeing as Stan had spent the night last Friday. Not only that, but the sweater was also very clean. A little  _too fresh_  for Bill.  _Entirely too clean_  for Richie.

He grabbed his backpack and exited his room, quietly making his way down the stairs. Eddie reached the door and was about to sigh in relief at the thought of avoiding his mother, but someone had other plans.

“Eddie-bear, dear! Come here, please?” His mother called. Eddie grimaced. He didn’t want to deal with her right now but walked into the living room anyways.

“Young man, you know you are supposed to let me know when you are getting ready in the morning. You know how  _delicate_  you are. You could have  _hurt_ yourself, and I would have never known! ” She said with fear and worry in her voice.

Eddie was extremely annoyed and words spewed out of his mouth like vomit, “Just how could I have hurt myself Ma?” She gave him a look disappointment mixed with anger. 

 _‘Well, fuck it,’_  Eddie thought,  _‘Might as well continue while I am already ahead.’_

“Let me guess; I could have poked one of my eyes out brushing my hair? Or is it that I may have fallen off my bed and broken my leg? Mind you the bed is only a couple inches off the fucking ground.” He added, “Wait, do I have the brittle bone disease now too. Huh, Ma?”

Ms. Kaspbrak's mouth hung agape, forcing her fat on her chin to pinch against her neck. Her own brown eyes pierced through Eddie’s. Her face was scortching hot burning with anger and sweat dripped off her forehead. She attempted to grab Eddie while sitting in her chair, but he backed up to avoid her.

“How dare you, young man! You would never talk to me before you started hanging out with those dirty kids in the neighborhood. Especially that  _Tozier_ boy.” She spat with disgust, “They are a bad influence on you! I think from now on you should stay away from them. I know what is best for you.”

At the mention of Richie’s name, Eddie lost all of his sanity. He glared fiercely at her and shook his head, “How would you know what’s good for me? All you do is try to convince me that I am sick when there is nothing wrong with me!  I’ve known that much for years. Now you think my friends, the ones who  _actually_ care about me are the ones who are damaging me? You’re deadly mistaken, Ma. You’re the one that is suffocating me.” Knowing that he was in deep shit, he turned around and booked it out of the house.

Ms. Kaspbrak was fuming now and began crying, “You get back here!  Right now young man. We haven’t talked about this. Wait! You forgot your lunch. You can’t eat the food at school, Eddie. It’s processed and bad for you! You will get sick! Eddie?” The only sound she heard was the slamming of the front door.

Eddie felt a mixture of accomplishment and defeat all at the same time walking out of his house. When he got out from school, he knew he was going to be in so much trouble. She was going to attempt to make him stay in the house forever. He sighed at the thought. He was snapped back to reality when he heard the overwhelmingly loud sound of Guns N Roses from around the corner. Which helped in drowning out his mother, who was screaming at him from the window. He pretended not to hear her and began walking towards the direction where Richie’s car usually came. While the car was nowhere in sight, Eddie knew he wouldn’t be walking long. After all, Richie drove like a damn maniac. Only a couple of seconds later, he saw Richie’s beat up truck hauling ass towards him. Eddie sighed.

Richie finally reached Eddie, only slowing down enough to allow the smaller boy to get into the car before speeding up again. Eddie quickly put his seatbelt on out of fear for his life and yelled, “What the fuck, Richie?  We have twenty minutes to get to school! Can’t you slow the hell down? You’re going so fast that the seat belts could burn our skin. Or you could fucking crash and kill us both! You could-” His sentence was interrupted.

Richie grinned devilishly at hearing the panic in Eddie’s voice. He always enjoyed messing around with the younger boy, “Why hello there! Ed’s, dear buddy ole pal, couldn’t I just want to see my best friend’s  _beautiful_  face on this joyous day?” He said in his best British accent. To this, Eddie smiled a little, his eyebrows raised, knowing a joke would be soon to follow.

Richie inhaled a deep breath, and Eddie knew what was coming.

The older male exclaimed in the happiest voice he could muster, “I gotta get Little Eds to school, so I can go see her! God, how I’ve missed your mother’s-”

“Beep beep, Richie!” Eddie cut him off. His brows furrowed and the traces of the smile that had been on his face only minutes ago had disappeared.

Richie gasped and immediately clutched his heart dramatically with one hand, “Already Eddie? This early in the morning? Oh, my  _achy_ breaky heart!”

Eddie rolled his eyes so hard in his head he could have sworn they were going to get stuck like that. “It’s going to be more than your achy breaky heart if you don’t put both of your hands on the fucking wheel, you idiot.

Eddie’s threat went unheard. Richie doesn’t listen to anyone. He never does. He is Richie Trashmouth Tozier, after all.

Immediately he took that same hand and placed it on Eddie’s thigh traveling upwards to grab one of the hems of his shorts, “Hey Eds, aren’t you getting too old to be wearing short shorts?” He yanked on the material a bit before adding, “Also, how the fuck do you wear underwear with these fucking things.”

His laughed deepened, “Or are you going commando? You know that is dangerous, death by an atomic wedgie. Ha!” That most surely would get a response out of his favorite hypochondriac.

Eddie’s heart immediately fell into his stomach as he choked on a gasp. His mind was running 1,000 miles per minute. Any second now, he was going to short circuit and die. _He could feel it_.

All because of Richie fucking trash mouth Tozier. He couldn’t think about anything else besides that hand on his leg. The hand belonging to the person who he has been in love with the past two years. So close to him. Too fucking close to him.  He could feel his face beginning to flush.

Trying to be as normal as possible, he swatted Richie’s hand away. “I’m in a sport, you idiot! Everyone on the track team has to wear them. You just wouldn’t know anything about that seeing as you aren’t in any extracurricular activities.”

Eddie’s blush did not go unnoticed by Richie, who quickly cheered, “You are so feisty and cute! Cute, cute, cute, my little Eddie Spaghetti!”

He slapped Eddie’s thigh and placed his hand back on the wheel, “I don’t have time for additional sports, Eds. You should know that."

Eddie eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “What? You are full of shit, Tozier. I would know if you were in a team sport at our school. All the losers would.” He was so engrossed with trying to insult Richie that he didn’t notice they had reached the school and the car was parked.

Richie seriously looked at Eddie, “Well you see, Eds-"

“Don’t call me Eds.”

“Anyways,  _Eds_ , fucking is a sport. I don’t need a team, and it’s preferred to play in your birthday suit! It is the best kind of sport out there if you ask me.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, for the second time that morning. Earlier he had thought that he rolled them so hard that they were going to get stuck. Now, he turned them so hard he was sure that he could see his fucking brain. “You’re fucking repulsive. Who gives a shit about a sport using only your  _wrists_?” He teased.

Richie only laughed at him again as he opened the door and exited the car. He walked over to the passenger side where Eddie remained in his seat.

“More like a sport using mainly my  _hips_! Though I do use my wrists too.” Richie said as he made thrusting gestures and wiggled each one of his fingers. He thought his joke was so good that he tried to give Eddie an air high five. Eddie scowled at him as he too got out of the car.

The older male added, “Repulsive? Oh, Eds, what would you even know about sex? Not even halfway through getting  _blown_ you would need your fucking inhaler.” Richie joked.

Eddie knew it was only a joke. Richie would never oppress Eddie if he knew. Still, goose bumps began to tickle his skin and the hairs on the back of his neck stood up.

He envisioned the leaper covered in sickly sores and diseases as it’s menacing voice taunted him,  _“I’d blow you for a dime.”_

Eddie could feel his hands starting to shake and tried to steady them by crossing his arms.

Richie immediately noticed Eddie’s whole demeanor flip. He exchanged looks with the other boys, staring deeply into his eyes. seeing something he thought he would never see again. Pure fear.

He began to worry as he watched Eddie practically hugged himself. “What’s wrong Eddie?” He grabbed the younger boy carefully and shook him, “ _Come back_ to Earth, Eddie!”

Eddie could feel tears forming in his eyes as he heard the leper say,  _“Come back here, kid! I’ll blow you for free. Come back here!”_  He blinked them away and moved from Richie’s hold.

He had to get away. Richie had seen too much. He quickly grabbed his backpack from the passenger and threw it over his shoulder. Before he had the chance to start running, the taller male grasped tightly onto his wrist.

“Whoa! Eds.” He spoke in his most caring voice, the one reserved for Eddie. “Seriously? What’s wrong? What did you see? Was it-”

Realization dawned on Richie, “Did you see  _It_?”

Eddie’s stomach lurched, and he felt like he was going to puke. He pulled his wrist from his friend’s firm grip. “Dammit, Richie!” He yelled with as much venom he could muster, “You never know when to shut up! Just back off and leave me alone.” His voice cracked as he tried to hold back his emotions.

Not wasting any time, he began to run into the crowd of students, knowing Richie would try to follow him. He pushed his way through the crowd and went into the entrance of the school just as the first bell rang.

Today was going to be an eventful day indeed.


	3. Guilty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie’s always been his safe haven.

**Chapter 2: Guilty**

Richie stood paralyzed in place. Despite how much he willed himself to follow his friend, he just couldn’t. Everything he wanted to say wouldn’t formulate into actual words, so his mouth hung agape as only noises escaped.

Powerlessly, he watched Eddie run away into the school.  _Away_  from him. He knew that he managed to get under Eddie’s skin at  _least_  once a day, but he was never this upset. He hadn’t seen that kind of fear in his friend’s eyes since they fought It.

Even when his arm broke in two places, Eddie did not succumb to crying. Regardless of being in agonizing pain, Eddie still tried to defend himself against Pennywise’s clutches, slapping him with his only working arm. After all that, he disobeyed his mother, who he feared, to fight It a second time.

Richie always thought that Eddie was one of the bravest people he ever met. Most of all, he knew that Eddie was a fighter. No matter what shortcomings he had, he endured.  He wasn’t one to just fall apart.

Once he saw the tears gathering in Eddie’s eyes, threatening to fall through his thick eyelashes upon his freckled cheeks, he knew something was wrong.  

Richie knew that whatever that _something_ was all of his fault.

In the distance, he heard the bell ringing.  He quickly grabbed his backpack and began walking into the school. When Richie was inside, he noticed that no students were in the halls. He instantly cursed to himself. _‘I missed the second bell,’_

Being so well acquainted with his first-period teacher, Mr. Torres, Richie knew that upon entering the class he would be sauteed.  The hell if he was going to give that prick the satisfaction of punishing him for being only a couple of minutes late.  _Again._  

Fuck that.  

He was ditching.

He stealthily made his way down the empty hall. As soon as he reached the men’s room, he opened the door and went in. He had done this a couple of times before, so he knew the best stall to hide was in the one at the very end. He flung it open carelessly and down plopped down onto the toilet seat, shutting the door with his very long legs.  

Richie grabbed his pack of Marlboros out of his front pocket and snatched one out.  He placed it between his lips and shimmied his hips to get the lighter out of his back pocket.  When he found it, he quickly used it to light his cigarette. He inhaled the nicotine deep into his lungs and then expelled smoke, sighing in relief. He could always count on cigarettes to calm him down.

His mind began to wander off about the Kaspbrak boy once more. Eddie was  _supposed_  to be his best friend. They knew everything about each other. They never kept secrets. They always helped each other. More so than the other Loser’s club members. Not that they weren’t still willing to help. It was just what he and Eddie had was stronger.

Whenever he was feeling down about his horrible home life, he found himself drawn to Eddie’s window like a magnet. Every time, Richie ended up in Eddie’s arms. The minute he smelled the mixture of cologne and Eddie’s mango melon soap, he knew he was safe. 

Eddie’s always been his  _safe haven_. 

Eddie was so understanding and compassionate. He remembers how the younger male would whisper sweet nothings to him as he caressed Richie’s wavy hair until they both fell asleep.

Richie would always wake up right as the piercing orange sun began to illuminate the dark room. Knowing Eddie’s mom couldn’t see him, he remained in the small bed and cuddled close to the other boy.

If that wasn’t pushing it enough, he also let his eyes wander Eddie’s soft face trying to paint every part of him into his memory.  

Eddie’s chestnut brown hair, which usually remained tamed would be sprawled out beautifully onto his pillow.  His sun-kissed skin would be glowing from the light of day, making his light freckles challenging to see.  _Oh_ , but Richie still managed to find every single one that blessed his nose and cheeks.

While he would stare closely at the boy’s cheeks, he noticed a tint of red coming from them. The first time that he saw this, Richie worried that his friend was getting sick. However, he came to know that’s what usually happened when Eddie was warm beneath the blankets.

Finally, his gaze would lock onto the other boy’s unbelievably pink lips, which were always curved into a small smile from the night before. He just looked so peaceful.

Usually, that would be as far as he got because Eddie would wake up soon after. Instead of saying anything in regards to the night prior, Eddie would smile a specific smile that set Richie’s heart ablaze.

The smile would start off as a simple line in Eddie’s lips. His deep brown eyes would lock with Richie’s as they began to shimmer with emotion.  _An emotion Richie couldn’t place._ His smile would gradually deepen to the point where Richie could see almost all of Eddie’s white teeth. He smiled so profoundly that it forced Eddie’s eyes to squint slightly causing his long eyelashes to hit his eyelids.

Richie seeing Eddie like this would cause his breath to get stuck in his throat. The boy was just so  _beautiful and pure_.

 _‘How could he not take anyone’s breath away?’_ Richie thought. 

Afterall, Eddie had grown into a handsome young man these past few years. Sure, he may be petite, but he makes up for it in other ways. For starters, he is on the track team.

Richie knows all too well since he has watched all of his friends practice their specific sports training regiment. Mike was an absolute beast on the football field. As Richie would watch him, he would wince when Mike would tackle the other players so hard that they left skid marks on the grass.

For Bill and Stan, he watched to see who could hit the ball the farthest, ran the fastest, or got more home runs. He also provided excellent commentary when other people were up to bat, free of charge. On one occasion, he got both boys into serious trouble. He chuckled at the memory.

_It happened on a disgustingly hot day just this past June. It was the school’s baseball season, and they were having a practice game before they went up against the Portland Jets. Since he usually ditched Physical Education class, he was not accustomed to playing sports. Primarily a sport as lame as baseball. However, since he was a fantastic friend, he came to support Bill and Stan._

_When he arrived at the field, the players just happened to be switching positions. Stan came up to bat while Bill was acting as the pitcher. They both were so focused on the game they hadn’t noticed that Richie decided to bless them with his presence. Without any signal, Bill threw Stan a fastball trying to catch him off guard. The ball whirled towards Stan, who was more than prepared and ready to hit the ball. That is until Richie screamed, “Hey batter, batter, batter swing!”_

_Stan’s focus and precision vanished at this moment. He managed to hit the ball still but had angled it completely wrong. Instead of going towards the catcher’s, it went barreling into Bill’s forehead with a sickening crack. The force was so overwhelming that it knocked said male off his feet. Immediately, Richie brought his hands over his mouth to muffle his gasp. Stan still heard. Hell, the boy heard everything._

_“You better watch out Tozier,” Stan spat. “After I make sure Bill’s alright, you are a dead man!” He dropped his bat and ran to help Bill._

_Richie jumped over the chain link fence that separated them and ran towards Bill too._

_They both reached him at the same time and saw that Bill’s eyes squeezed shut as he was clutching the overwhelming pain in his forehead. “W-what the fuck, S-stan?_

_Before Stan even had the time to try to defend himself, Bill opened his eyes to see a guilty looking Richie standing very close by, his hands still covering his mouth in shock._

_Stan grabbed one of Bill’s arms, placing it over his shoulder to help him get on his feet. Bill’s stare looked dangerous. “Richie.” He spat angrily, “What the f-fuck is your p-problem?”_

_“Bill. I didn’t mean for that to happen.” He said in his most serious voice. The ones reserved for Eddie’s and apologizes, “I saw it in a movie, and I thought it would work.” He looked over to see Bill’s eyebrows slanted in confusion. He was looking at Richie as if he had two heads. Stan, on the other hand, seemed entirely annoyed._

_Richie absently mindedly mentioned, “Technically it still kinda worked, didn’t it?”_

_Stan wanted to kill him. He knew Richie would never hurt Bill on purpose. However, the boy never knew when to shut up._

_“You fucking baboon! You do that to distract the opposite team.” He screeched poisonously, “Not your team.”_

_At this point, the coach and the nurse had come over to help relieve Stan and Richie of Bill duty. Once the nurse helped Bill into a nearby chair under the shade, she gently placed an ice pack on top of his already swelling forehead._

_Richie never liked tension, so he pushed his luck even further, “Hey Stan, I guess you could say that Bill fell hard for you, huh?”_

_Bill was shocked and quickly looked over to Stan, but winced at the pain in his head. Stan’s jaw had dropped. He was furious, but a blush began to form on his cheeks and grew to cover his entire face._

_Richie looked over to Stan and immediately started running knowing that the other curly haired teen was going to kill him._

It went without saying that Richie only watched their practices from the safety of the bleachers now.

Richie knew what it was  _supposed_  to look like to be supportive of all of his friend’s extracurriculars, so he knew that how he acted at Eddie’s track meets wasn’t  _normal._

He knew it was wrong of him, but he couldn’t help it. His eyes would practically bulge out of their sockets during the summer as he watched Eddie peel off his sweaty shirt. His sun-kissed skin would glow as beads of sweat dripped down his back. Richie knew he shouldn’t of let his eyes wander, but he  _never_  listened to the rules. So, he would pay close attention to Eddie’s toned stomach.

A couple of times, he had even been brave enough to look at Eddie more sexually. Sure, he admired those long legs as they sprinted down the track. But he spent more time staring at what they were attached too.

The Kaspbrak boy surprisingly enough had a prominent  _backside_. He always sported those fucking shorts that accentuated its shape and perkiness. Some days Richie would thank the gods while others he wished Eddie’s mom would buy him some other damn clothes. Who the fuck was he kidding though? Eddie would look good in nothing but a damn trash bag. 

He may be skinny, but boy, did he have curves. By no means would he compare it to that of a woman’s, of course. His hips were only a little wider than most men’s. After all, he always grabbed onto Eddie’s waist, and when his hands lingered for too long, it earned him a glare from Eddie. So why would it matter if he stared at them and yearned to  _touch them_  again? 

Not many people noticed  _anything_  about Eddie, so his hips had never been pointed out as different. He was  _just_  the smart kid who hung around the Loser’s club. Apart from that, he was by himself or stayed at school to run track. 

But, to Richie, he’s  _always been much more_. And he thought it was a damn shame that people didn’t want to get to know such a phenomenal human being.

He knew Eddie would disagree with him. After all, he couldn’t see what was so  _great_ about the paranoid guy who feared just the possibility of getting sick. 

One time Eddie asked him to explain, but Richie could never find the right words to tell him the truth. If he did, he might have said something damaging to their friendship. 

So, he did was he did best and made a joke out of it,  _“I have seen the promised lands, Eds. They are 100% phenomenal! By default, that means you are at least 50% phenomenal seeing as you came out of your mother’s-”_

_Eddie punched him so hard for that too_

Just thinking about Eddie scared the hell out of him. It wasn’t normal _to feel_  like this about any man,  _especially_  his best friend.

Undeterred by having multiple girlfriends at a time, Richie always found himself  _needing_  to be in Eddie’s presence. Often, he couldn’t stop himself from embracing the smaller boy, giving him playful kisses on the cheek. While they were mostly playful, Richie knew deep down in his heart that he did have ulterior motives.

No matter what Richie did around Eddie, he always felt _guilty_.

Guilt for  _keeping secrets_.

Guilt for taking  _advantage_  of the boy’s trust.

Guilt for being with multiple girls at a time just to avoid any  _other possibilities_.                           

Guilt for thinking about  _him_  when he is with  _them_.              

Guilt for wanting to do  _inappropriate things_  with Eddie Kaspbrak.          

Most of all, he had remorse that he  _blamed it all on his hormones alone_. 


	4. Coming Undone

**Chapter 3: Coming Undone**

By the time his third-period class had come and gone, Eddie regained most of his composure. He accepted what happened with his mother and was ready for his punishment the millisecond he got into the house.

He had shaken off the of the majority of Richie’s jokes. However, he still felt Richie’s hand on his thigh and heard the unnerving voice of the leper. Even though it had been years since the fight with Pennywise, he still was haunted by nightmares.

In many of these dreams, he would die. Even if it wasn't real, he still felt the excruciating pain surge through his body as It ripped his limbs off his body. His pleas and cries for help always ended up going unheard. Eddie would wake up in a state of panic. He could recall how his heart raced so rapidly in his chest that it hurt. It hurt so bad that he began to struggle to breathe.

In other instances, he had mustered up the courage to tell his friends the truth about his battle with his sexuality and the leper. Earning him only gasps, slurs, and vile insults they each spoke as they all stood in the shadows of the sewer. The only person he could see in this dream was Richie, but that was more than enough to completely kill him. The look of disgust, anger, and hatred in his eyes cut him more in-depth than any physical pain he could ever feel. He would wake up sobbing so loudly that he had to bite his bottom lip to muffle the noise. The amount of emotional distress the dreams caused made him _wish_ he would just suffocate and die. At least that would be better than losing the only people worth living for.

He was forced back to reality when he felt a light tap on his shoulder. He jumped at the touch and looked behind him to see Ms. Lewis. Her black unruly hair was in an array of curls that stuck tightly to her head. She was staring at Eddie, her sparkling baby blue eyes filled with concern. She wore a long floral dress that completely covered her feet paired with cardigan wrapped around her body.

“I didn’t mean to startle you, Eddie.” She carefully spoke as if she was dealing with a wounded animal. “The bell for lunch rang 10 minutes ago, and you’ve been just sitting here staring at the whiteboard."

Eddie exhaled slowly, not knowing what to say. He knew he looked like a deer caught in headlights, so he avoided her stare.

Ms. Lewis didn't falter as she continued, "You also didn’t get involved with the class discussion on Lords of the Flies, which is completely unlike you. Are you okay?”

Eventually, Eddie’s tired eyes met hers, and he wanted to shatter to pieces. She was understanding, smart, and attentive. Like any reasonable person should be. He wished his mother could be like her. Hell, he wanted Ms. Lewis to be his mother because he was on the verge of falling apart. He needed someone to listen to him without judgment. The weight of the world suffocating him was becoming too much to bare.

But, his mother was far from being someone like Ms. Lewis. If he happened to break around her, she would want to put him in the hospital. Which would fuel her fire to start getting Eddie new medications, ones that he doesn’t need. Worst of all, she would never let him out of the house again. Not without a hell of a fight.

Unfortunately, Ms. Lewis was not his mother. Even though he felt comfortable, safe, and unjudged around her, he knew that she was obligated to let the school know whatever he may say. In turn, they would notify his mother.

Eddie sighed deeply and continued to look into her eyes as he lied, “I’m sorry Ms. Lewis, I'm just drained. I stayed up studying for an upcoming exam.” He inwardly thought, _‘Please don’t ask me what subject. For the love of God, please don’t ask me what subject.’_

Ms. Lewis stared at him skeptically but let her suspicions go. She smiled at him, “I am sure the exam is important. Just remember to take care of yourself. Okay, Eddie? Now go on, hurry and go get lunch.”

He smiled back at her meekly as he stood up and grabbed his stuff. “I understand. It won't happen again. Thank you, Ms. Lewis.”

* * *

Bev, Mike, Bill, Stan, and Ben all sat at their usual table. Their current discussion was focusing on what they wanted to do for the upcoming weekend. Bill had suggested going to see The Sandlot at the Aladdin to which Stan and Bev agreed. Bill and Stan wanted to see it because not only was it a comedy, but it was also a story about friendship. Bev just loved going to the movies.

However, Ben and Mike wanted to have a camping night at the barrens. It had been a couple of months since they had the chance to stargaze and they knew the weather would be perfect this weekend. It also just happened that Eddie’s mom would be out of town this Friday and wouldn't be returning until Monday. His mom leaving and letting him stay home was a pretty rare occurrence. The time was right, and they felt this was the better option.

Since they couldn’t come to a consensus, they all agreed to wait for Richie and Eddie to decide.

Beverly took a bite from her juicy green apple causing a loud crunch at the table, listening to the chatter as she silently chewed the food in her mouth. The redhead looked up to see the doors of the cafeteria opening, immediately noticing that Richie was heading over to the table with his “girlfriend” in tow under his arm.

She groaned loudly, breaking the boy's attention away from their conversation. Whenever Richie’s girlfriend came around, she just couldn’t help but feel irritable.

Beverly just couldn’t shake the feeling that this girl was toxic to them, especially Richie.

Everyone at the table looked at her out of concern and were about to ask her if she was alright, but they too noticed the couple coming towards the table.

They all sighed and prepared for another lunch filled with awkward laughs and stares.

None of them even had to exchange words to know not to mention their ideas for the weekend because she was the type of person who just invited herself.

“Fellow losers, I require your _utmost attention_.” Richie said using one of his British voices, “King Tozier has arrived.” He plopped down in his usual spot, besides Beverly and patted her back.

The joke earned a laugh from all of his friends.

Samantha, feeling left out, replicated one of his voices as she spoke, “Along with his queen.” She took the seat right beside Richie, which is where Eddie usually sat. Then she placed her large bag on the only space remaining on the bench.

Richie didn’t notice; his eyes were glued onto his pepperoni pizza. He could hear Samantha speaking to him, but his thoughts about Eddie were drowning out her words. He merely nodded his head every couple of minutes to make it look as if he was listening.

Beverly and Stan both rolled their eyes in annoyance. Stan scooched closer to Bill, who was forced into Mike.

  
Stan hated this girl.

  
More importantly, he hated that Richie was usually oblivious to the fact that he was putting his friends on the back burner. Mainly, to poor Eddie.

However, today seemed different. Stan noticed that Richie’s whole demeanor towards her had changed. Usually, they would be obnoxiously swapping spit, unable to keep their hands off of each other by now. Yet, Richie was not even looking at her. He was staring more lovingly at his fucking pizza than Samantha.

Stan wasn't going to mention it though. At least, not right now. He grabbed an anti-bacterial wipe from his lunch box and wiped the table and the seat down for his hypochondriac friend. Even though he was closer to Bill, he understood Eddie the most.

Although they were very different, they both had very similar qualities. Stans extreme OCD caused him to be very careful and methodical with how he did things. Everything he owned had a rightful place, the contents of lunch box being a prime example.

Everything inside had to be separated so it would not come into contact with his other food. The bottom of the pail had to have the container with his sandwich. Above the container was home to his fruits. Finally, the top portion of the lunch pail holding his vegetables. If anything inside were to fall out of place, he couldn't help but feel compelled to fix it.

Just like Eddie couldn't help the urge to clean everything out of his irrational fear of germs. The kid couldn't stand to be around anyone who showed the smallest symptoms of an illness. He couldn't use public bathrooms because of the possibilities of who used them. He carried his hand sanitizer in his fanny pack, bringing it out at least five times a day. For Christ sake, he couldn't even spend the night at his friend's houses without bringing his antibacterial soap.

Out of all the loser's club members, they both could empathize with each other on how much it sucked to not be in charge of their lives.

For that, Stan was thankful for having Eddie as his friend. So, he left the antibacterial wipes on the table, knowing all too well that Eddie would insist on wiping the surfaces down a second time.

* * *

Eddie inched closer in line, feeling like his skin was crawling. The cafeteria was jam-packed with people. Usually, he would rather die before eating the shit they call food, but he knew he wouldn't survive the day without something. He was going to take the risk, just this once.

The thought of how disgustingly dirty everything was caused him to feel very uneasy. He refused to touch anything and kept his arms crossed tightly over his chest. If anyone got too close to him, he would bite his lip to prevent himself from screaming at them. He reached the front of the line and was greeted with a massive set woman in her fifties wearing a hairnet on her head and a disgusting apron wrapped around her body.

Eddie wanted to throw up.

"What's your student ID number?" She asked him in an uninterested tone.

"1124599," Eddie responded nervously, his stomach began to cry at him in protest.

She typed it into her computer lazily. "What do you want?" Her voice held no enthusiasm.

"What _do_ you have?"

Eddie watched as she rolled her eyes at him."Today we are serving pepperoni pizza or spaghetti."

Both of those options sounded equally as repulsive to Eddie. He began to think to himself, _'The pizza has probably been touched by the workers, while the spaghetti is hopefully scooped up onto the tray. The tray that is in contact with at least two dirty students per day, meaning that thousands have had the potential to use it. There had to multiple types of germs on the trays alone. Maybe they would let me wash my tray if I asked.'_

The woman grunted. "Kid, your holding up the line. Pick one." She demanded.

Eddie felt defeated. "Spaghetti, I guess."

He watched in horror as she walked over to the window and grabbed a tray from the middle of a large stack. Then she grabbed an ice cream scooper off the metal table. Using the scoop, she got some spaghetti out of a deep pan. She smacked it onto the tray harshly and lifted the scooper back up, for Eddie to see the spaghetti remained completely intact. It looked sticky, disgusting, and days old. Finally, she opted for him to take the tray.

Eddie shakily grabbed onto it, feeling as if his fingers were going to burn off just from touching it. Upon walking out of the cafeteria, he at least felt less compacted, but dirty nonetheless.

The hypochondriac noticed that all of the Loser’s were sitting in their usual spot. He began to walk over to them, relieved that he was finally going to be able to relax and stop shaking. His pace slowed down when he saw they weren’t speaking to each other. A sign that there was something out of the ordinary going on. His eyes locked onto to Richie, whose gaze was downcast, staring at his empty tray. Usually, he would be talking so much that their friends had to beg him to shut up.

He looked to Richie’s right and found the reason why they were so quiet. Samantha was there talking about god knows what, in _his_ seat.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully, you are all enjoying this story. From this point on, it is going to get darker. Please give kudos and comments if you like it. If you have any ideas I could possibly incorporate, let me know.
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr, if you want   
> PrettyBlossoms 
> 
> :D


	5. I Ran

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to listen to a song while reading, I have a suggestion!  
> I Ran- A Flock of Seagulls 
> 
> Thank you so much for all the kudos and comments! I hope this chapter is good enough to earn some more :D  
> It's only going to get darker from this point, but most of the looking back and explaining things is over! Yay for main points finally being brought up in the story~!

**Chapter 4: I Ran**

 

 _‘Here I thought today couldn’t get any fucking worse.’_ Eddie muttered to himself.

Whenever Samantha came around, he knew his personality would do a complete 180-degree turn. He couldn’t help but feel tense and awkward whenever she was around them, which made him terrible because he knew he shouldn’t be angry towards her. After all, Samantha _along with Richie's other_ flings, made Richie happy.  
  
He had to admit that Samantha was at least decent looking. She stood at 5’8, with her legs being the longest part of her body. She was curvier than Beverley, having more up top and on the bottom. To extenuate these “gifts," she wore tight jean skirts and crop tops, which Richie would always make crude comments about how sexy it was.

Her hair was the length of her shoulders and was a very dark blonde color. She usually styled it in a ponytail and had her bangs brushed to the side of her face. When she walked through the doors of their high school, the smell of Jasmine and apple blossoms resonated throughout the building. The perfume earned her many compliments from their peers and other students in their classes.

At times, she would be receiving praises from the other Loser's club members, and she would look over Eddie, almost expecting one from him too. To this, he would stare back at her expressionless. In these specific occasions, he decided that one of his mother's sayings sufficed.

_"If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all."_

Due to this reason, he never told her that he thought she smelled like a Macy's outlet store. 

_Overwhelming and cheap._

Samantha’s skin was a creamy tan color that had been bronzed from the summer sun. Her eyes were as strikingly bright as two green emeralds, but Eddie felt like she was far from treasure.

It was no secret to any of the losers that Eddie did not like Samantha; he often compared her to a rash on his skin that was not only incurable but terminal as well.

She was the _epitome_ of everything he hated.

For one, she was irresponsible and promiscuous. She’s a Junior with the credits of that of a Sophomore’s. Not because she transferred to this school or had some other reasonable excuse. Instead, she ditched her classes to smoke weed or have sex with college students under the bleachers.

She also was slow with understanding basic concepts like addition, subtraction, manners, boundaries, and English. One time in their English class, Ms. Lewis had them proofread each other's research papers.

Upon seeing her work, he was dumbfounded. For starters, it wasn't even a research paper. It was more like an autobiography about her life. When he noticed that she had interviews with her parents to support her ideas he couldn't contain his quiet fit of laughter. It was so unsatisfactory that not even Eddie Kaspbrak could fix it.

The only thing he took from that experience was that Samantha couldn't even extinguish pronouns from fucking verbs. Based on that fact alone, Eddie felt like he was valid in saying that she was the broken sharpener that came attached to the jumbo box of crayons.

_A complete and utter disappointment._

He knew the other Loser's club members also did not approve of Samantha.

Everyone _except_ Richie.

For some fucked up reason, Richie always seemed to enjoy the girl's company. No matter how stupid or annoying she was. He took her on dates, kissed her, held her hand, and showed her that he cared every single day. He laughed genuinely at all her lame jokes. The worst of by far was that he wholeheartedly smiled when he was around her.

Eddie would do anything in the world for Richie. He was the one that Richie ran to when things got bad at home. The one that snuck him into his window almost every night so Richie would have a stable place to lay his head. He was the one that looked out for Richie even if that meant not looking out for himself. Yet, he never remembered earning a smile so pure from Richie.

Eddie knew deep down in his gut that Samantha did make Richie happy, but he still felt like she didn't deserve everything his best friend had to offer her.

Richie may act like an idiot all of the time, but Eddie knew just how smart he was. Richie loved to read long novels, he finished them in meer days and would return to the library for more.

Also, what used to be annoying impressions improved significantly over the years. Richie was so talented now that he could make even the most boring person in Derry laugh at them.

Everyone teased Richie for getting kicked out of class all the time. But Eddie knew that the reason why Richie acted out was that he understood all of the material already. Richie never liked hearing the same thing twice; he was the type of person who only needed to hear something once to learn it. Despite him being in the principle's office more than he was in class, no one could deny that he had terrific grades. After all, he never scored anything less than a B since middle school. Eddie knew that if he spent the time in class as he should, Richie's grades would surpass even his own.

Eddie watched as Samantha clung onto Richie's arm tightly, like a child afraid its mother would abandon it. She pressed her firm breasts up against him and gave him a suggestive stare. In response, Richie stared longingly at her.

Eddie felt like he was being kicked so hard in the chest that his lungs just stopped working. Despite all the awful things he thought about her, he knew he would trade places with her in a heartbeat. He would take all of the bad qualities so that he could have the only good thing she had. That way, he could be the one loved by the person who's had his heart since the age of 15.

His sad brown eyes met Beverly's, who grinned brightly at him and waved her arm, motioning for him to come over.

* * *

  
The other members at the table looked over to see who Beverly was waving at and exchanged smiles when they noticed it was their favorite hypochondriac.

Well, _almost everyone_.

Richie's kept his gaze locked on the table not noticing what was going on around him. He was too consumed with his thoughts, wondering what he did wrong this morning as well as how he was going to fix it.

Then there was Bill. His eyes skimmed Eddie up and down, immediately taking in how tired he looked. "H-hey guys? Do you guys n-notice that Eddie looks different?"

"Not really. He just looks kinda pale if you ask me." Ben replied.

Beverly looked more closely at Eddie and noticed he was, in fact, paler than usual. The bags under his eyes were very evident, and he walked more sluggishly today than on any other. She felt her stomach drop when she saw the unmistakable red tray in his hands. In that instant, she knew something was wrong.

"There's something wrong with Eddie, guys."

When Richie heard the disturbance in Beverly's voice, his head perked up on its own accord.

"What do you mean, Bevs?" He asked her, pushing Samantha's arm off of his so he could concentrate. Samantha pouted in response, but Richie didn't bat an eye at her.

Stan, who was frustrated, answered before Beverly could open her mouth. "Richie, maybe if you took the time to look at him instead of looking at your empty plate, you would see that he looks fucking terrible."

Richie looked over to Stan, his dark eyes staring at him with a mixture of bewilderment and hurt. He knew that Stan talked shit all the time, but never this severely.

Had it not been for the look on Stan's face, Richie would have gotten pissed off and lost his temper.

Stan's eyebrows were drawn together tightly, and his eyes glistened with emotion. He motioned for Richie to look at their friend using a simple head tilt.

Richie followed Stan's stare until he finally saw Eddie. Upon taking in all of his friend's features, he felt his stomach toss and turn uneasily.

Eddie looked so pale and sickly that it made Richie nauseated. Richie could see the dark circles under Eddie's devastated eyes, even though he was still at the exit of the cafeteria.

Richie took in a sharp breath asking himself "How the fuck did I not notice before?" Not intending his question to be answered, or even heard for that matter.

Mike heard him though. He skeptically looked at Richie, "Do you know what's up with him, Richie?"

Richie shook his head. "I don't know whats wrong with him, but I should have noticed he was this bad earlier when I gave him a ride to school."

Richie felt realization dawn on him like a ton of bricks. "Bevs is right. There is something wrong."

All of the other Losers club members stopped looking at Eddie and focused on Richie, wanting to know what he knew. They all were concerned about Eddie.

Everyone except Samantha, who rolled her eyes and pouted deeper because she lost Richie's attention.

"This morning, after I picked him up, he was acting stranger than usual. We were joking around like we always do, but I upset him so bad that he told me to back off. I don't even know what I said to hurt him that much."

Beverly's bright eyes caught Richie's dark ones. "Well, what were you even talking about before he got mad?"

Richie didn't even have to think about it before answering, "Sex being a sport." He earned some confused faces from everyone at the table, so he added, "Which _it is_ , by the way."

Stan raised an eyebrow in suspicion having many questions he could ask but shook his head in annoyance instead. He didn't want Richie to get sidetracked. "Well, what did Eddie say to that?"

"He laughed at me, of course. Told me I was repulsive and wrong. The way he usually does."

"So where did it all go wrong then?" Ben asked curiously.

Richie looked back down at the table, feeling the disappointment swell through his stomach straight up to his heart. "I don't exactly know when. It could have been the whole conversation that pissed him off, knowing him. The last thing I remember before him storming off was the joke I made about being blown."

" _Blown_?" Bill reiterated for the sake of everyone at the table, "As in, getting a _blowjob_?".

Beverly was next to speak, her tone sounded dangerous. Eddie was like her younger brother, so it was no surprise to Richie that she was a little angry. "Richie, _exactly_ what did you say?"

"I said he wouldn't know if sex was a sport or not because halfway through getting blown he would need a huff of his inhaler."

Samantha face contorted with a smile as she erupted with laughter, "That is so funny, Richie!"

No one else laughed, they stared at Richie and Samantha with disappointed faces. 

Stan had already been seething with anger, and now Samantha had pressed his last button and sent him over the edge. "Shut up, Sam. It isn't funny _at all_. It's cruel and unnecessary! Especially coming from Richie, who Eddie looks up to as if he is some _god_."

He turned his sights on Richie, who was silently kicking himself. "Just because you get _some_ ," He did quotations in the air. "Doesn't mean that you can make a joke like that at Eddie's expense. More than anyone here, you should know how he is. He doesn't like that he relies on that fucking inhaler. He hates that people think he is weak because he is small and asthmatic. He especially doesn't like anything having to deal with diseases, so even mentioning sex made him extremely uncomfortable. Somehow, you managed to do all those three things at once. Do you ever think before you speak, _Trashmouth_?"

Richie was speechless for once in his life. He hated to admit it, but Stan was _right_. When playing around with Eddie this morning, he had completely let it escape his mind that his best friend was different than the rest of his Losers club.

Eddie was reserved. He was ashamed of the fact that he was dependent on an inhaler and that he looked weaker because of it. Anything having to deal with germs made his skin crawl, so bringing up a way he could get a sexually transmitted was not smart in the slightest.

Richie's mind finally registered what caused that whole incident this morning. He could only relieve his throbbing headache by rubbing his forehead. Using the other hand, he ran his fingers through his dark curls.

He had insulted Eddie in the _worst way possible._

Beverly knew that Richie would never hurt their friend on purpose, so she grabbed his hand, the one closest to her and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

Samantha scowled at Stan, then at Richie. "Are you going to let him talk to me like that, Richie?" Her scowl deepened when she saw that Richie was not coming to her rescue.

"I don't know who you think you are _Stanley_ , but you better back off! Richie can make a joke about the _Kaspbrak_ kid if he wants to. After all, he is Richie's best friend! _Not yours._ "

Stan wasn't about to stand there for one more second. He stood up abruptly swinging his backpack over one shoulder. Once it was secure, he grabbed his already packed lunch pail and made his move to leave.

Bill tried to grab onto his wrist to tell him not to go, but Stan pulled away too quickly.

"Don't bother, Bill!" Stan's voice cracked, unable to contain his emotions. With that, he walked away in a hurry with no direction on his mind.

Beverly let go of Richie's hand and stood up out of the comfort of her seat. "No! You are the one _who better back off_ , Samantha! I don't know _who you think you are_ , but you have no right to talk to Stan like that." Her voice escalated as she spoke and she began to point in Samantha's face. "You don't know _any of us_. Especially _Eddie Kaspbrak_." She pointed to Richie for emphasis. "We are Richie's friends. _Not yours_. _Ever_."

"Coming from the whore of the school, that doesn't hurt much, Marsh." Samantha retorted childishly.

Beverly's eyes widened. She hadn't been called that name since Middle School, but the wound had never closed, and Samantha had just poured salt on it. "You better get your _bitch_ in line, Richie. Otherwise, it isn't going to be just Eddie who you hurt." She followed Stan's lead and grabbed her stuff, walking off rather quickly with a concerned Ben right on her tail.

After they left, only Bill, Richie, Mike and Samantha were remaining at the table. No one got the chance to say anything because Richie was boiling.

"Sam, what is wrong with you? They were right, what I did to Eds was _wrong_. I am a grown fucking man, and I can take whatever they have to say to me, especially when I did something so fucked up to _my friend_! For you to interfere with something that didn't even concern you is fucking ridiculous. I don't care what they said to you. No one talks to my friend's like that. _No one_."

Samantha had fresh tears streaming down her face; her emerald eyes shimmered as more tears were becoming restocked. She stared at Richie for what seemed for forever. Seeing that he didn't falter, Samantha got enraged, grabbed her stuff, and ran off screaming. "Fuck you, Tozier! Fuck you and all your stupid friends."

Richie laughed for the first time that day as he shouted back to her, "I would say fuck you back, Sam, but I _already did_ , and it wasn't even good! I'd have to be desperate to ask for it again."

Samantha did not turn around; she flipped him off and began to walk even faster into the doors of the school.

Richie turned to the remaining Losers and joked, "Would you look at that? I lost Samantha, Bev, Stan, and Eddie all in one day."

Mike shook his head to disagree. "Nah, you'll never lose your friends Rich. Stan and Beverly are just mad and worried about Eddie. I can't say the same for Eddie though. He has had a lot on his shoulders lately. We just gotta find out whats wrong and support him."

Bill added, "You are right about S-sam though. You definitely lost her."

Richie smirked and waved one of his hands in a shooing manner. "Good _fucking riddance_!" He put his best British accent to work, "I can get ten more where she came from."

* * *

  
Meanwhile, Eddie watched the whole scenario from the exit of the Cafeteria. He saw as they all turned their backs to him and began talking, he felt hurt. That is until he watched as Stan left in a hurry. Eddie became very confused.

He started to walk over to them again to see what was going on when all of a sudden he saw Beverly in Samantha's face. It didn't look like it ended too well because his red-headed friend ended up leaving with Ben.

Eddie's pace quickened, he needed to know what was going on to make his friends dissipate the way they were. His shaking hands gripped onto his red lunch tray tightly enough to make Eddie's hands go white.

He abruptly turned the corner making his way through the crowd of people with ease. Eddie was so close he could almost smell Richie's cigarette stench that he hated.

_Almost._

He felt a muscular body shove into him so harshly that he would have fallen to the ground, had he not trained his legs in track. He could not say the same for his hands, though. His wrists buckled, causing his tray to be pushed upwards into his stomach.

Eddie pulled the tray away from his body, still holding it tightly in one of his hands. He watched as some of the noodles and red tomato sauce fell onto the floor. Most of it, stuck onto the bottom of his black track hoodie, staining it red.

Brown Bambi eyes averted upwards, and he was face to face with the culprit. Henry Bowers and his favorite goons, Belch and Vic. He should have known it was them by the overwhelming smell of sweat and weed.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here boys?" Henry teased crudely. "It's the school fag!" The comment earned some laughs out of his gang members.

Eddie grimaced at the last part as he stared into Henry's uncaring eyes. Being as stubborn as he was, he tried to push past them to avoid the confrontation.

Belch and Vic saw what he was trying to do and got closer together, blocking his only way out.

"Can't you just back of Bowers? Didn't you already do enough yesterday?" He stated, almost sounding like he was pleading.

Eddie's attempt to reason with them only fuelled Henry Bower's fire. "Tell you what, wheezy; I think today is your lucky day!"

Henry bent down slowly and grabbed some of the spaghetti off of the floor, squishing it between his fingers on the way back up. "Free of charge, I am going to make the _carpet_ match the _drapes_."

Before Eddie had the time to move out of the way, Henry slammed his fist down onto his head, spreading the food deep into his hair.

Eddie felt the food being mixed so roughly into his hair that it hurt his skelp. 

It felt _disgusting_ and it made Eddie want to vomit. That food had been on that tray, the _dirty_ floor, and was now embedded _into_ him. 

"There you go, now you really are Eddie Spaghetti! Just like your buddy _Richie_ always says, huh?" Henry mocked him for extra measure.

Embarrassment washed over him as he heard the laughs off nearly the entire student body in the distance.

He could feel his eyes beginning to sting and unshed tears blurring his vision, but he refused to let Henry have the satisfaction of seeing him break down.

Eddie's body began to shake uncontrollably. He felt all of his composure seeping out of his body, being replaced only by irrepressible fury.

He steadied his hands by grasping onto the lunch tray hard enough to break it.

He looked down at it and then back up at Henry's mischievous smile, taking a second to see his unapologetic eyes.

That was all it took for Eddie Kaspbrak to snap.

With all of his strength, Eddie smashed the lunch tray directly into Henry's face. The sickly sound of plastic breaking was so loud that it echoed off of the walls and resonated throughout the lunch area, causing everyone to stop laughing at the incident prior. The force of the collision was so weighty that it caused Henry's nose to bend at an unnatural angle.

All of the students stood there, watching the event in horror. 

Henry, who was not expecting Eddie to act so quickly, fell to the ground clutching his nose as it spewed out blood.

He gazed up at Eddie with newfound determination in his eyes. Though his hands still clutched his nose, blood dripped from the back of his throat, staining his teeth red.

"You'll fucking _pay_! The next time I see you, you're _dead_!" He screamed vilely. Blood sprayed onto Belch and Vic as they tried to help him get up.

Instantly, Eddie felt regret and fear beginning to set in. He knew Henry was fucking crazy, and he had just done what nobody had dared to do before.

He was completely _fucked_.

Not knowing what to, he raced out of the mess of students, not bothering to stop when he passed Richie, Bill, and Mike.

Instead, Eddie kept running until he reached the only place where he knew he could go.


	6. Photographs

**Chapter 5: Photographs**

Bill, Mike, and Richie continued to eat their lunch and enjoy each others company while they waited for Eddie. Richie, having already inhaled his pizza, was sneakily stealing fries off Bill's plate when he would turn to talk to Mike.

Unbeknownst to Richie, Bill watched as Richie grabbed another french fry off of his plate. Richie's movements were as slow as sloths, trying to go unseen by his two friends. Eventually, he was victorious in getting the crispiest fry that Bill had to offer. Richie grinned, oozing with pride over his catch.

Bill swallowed a laugh as he rolled his eyes at Richie. By now, he would have already yelled at him. However, today was different. He wasn't hungry.

Mike sighed deeply, causing Richie to put the fry in his mouth in a hurry.

"What are we going to do about Eddie, you guys?"

Bill looked over to Richie, whose expression had changed. The curly haired teen's eyebrows furrowed, and his jaw tightened adding definition to his cheekbones.

"There is something I failed to mention, guys." Richie retorted, his tone was low and tremulous.

Mikes head jerked in Richie's direction hearing upon the seriousness of his voice. "What is it?"

"I think there's more to it than what Stan so kindly rubbed in my face. You know, I joke with Eds all the time, and he has never looked at me the way he did this morning."

The other two boys remained silent, listening to Richie intently.

"He looked so," Richie paused, remembering the unshed tears and fear in his best friends eyes. "Afraid. Eddie was one the verge of crying."

He lowered his head in shame. "I haven't seen that look on his face since-"

"The n-neilbolt house." Bill interrupted him, his speech shakey and uneven. He could practically feel the blood draining from his body, as his skin became pale and clammy. He clasped both of his hands together and rubbed to get rid of the sweaty feeling.

"You don't think... _It's_ back, do you?" Mike's eyed darted between Richie in and Bill, consuming their expressions.

"No!" Bill whispered in terror, his improvement on his speech impediment regressing. "W-we beat _It_. T-there is no w-way!"

"Calm down Big Bill. We all know that It only surfaces every 27 years." Richie reminded them before continuing, "That's not why I brought it up. I just can't help but think something more happened with the leper. More than what he told us." Richie's eyes were dark now, filled with dread.

"Like what?" Mike questioned.

Richie could only shrug as he averted his gaze to the crowd of people forming in front of him.

"W-well, we just have to find out then," Bill said assertively.

Mike saw that Richie's attention drifted elsewhere, so he let his stare wander in that direction.

All of a sudden, an explosion of cheers and laughter rang through the lunch area.

Richie, Bill, and Mike didn't even have to look at each other before they all sprang up from their seats and began running towards the commotion. They tried pushing their way through the unruly crowd of students, who moved back making it impossible to get to the center.

All of the scenarios were running through Richie's head. Three of his friends had left the table not too long ago. They could have gotten into some trouble.

He began to talk himself down inwardly, _'Ben's with Bev, so they should be okay. Stan went the opposite direction, come to think about it. That only leaves one person!'_

All sense of composure was abandoned when he realized that Eddie never made it to their table. The adrenaline was pumping so fiercely through his system that he practically began shoving people out of the way, girls included.

Bill and Mike must have figured it out too because they also began battling their way through, using less force than Richie, but still enough to be taken seriously. Only Bill was kind and muttered short apologies.

After what seemed like an eternity, Richie was finally able to see some of the chaos through the cracks and crannies of the people surrounding him. Henry was face to face with Eddie, mocking him. Henry's goons stood protectively behind Henry, ready to pounce on Eddie in an instant.

Richie was in a state of panic now, desperately trying to bulldoze his way through dozens of students at once, with only one goal in his mind: defending Eddie.

His attempts proved to be futile as the crowd tightened around him, steadying him in one spot. He continued to push and shove until he was panting from exhaustion. He felt Bill and Mike's presences behind him, being glued in place as well. They too were forced to watch the scene unfold, helplessly.

Just watching Bower's so close to Eddie's face made anger resonate deep within Richie's chest.

That anger only grew as he watched Henry bend down to grab something and then aggressively rubbed it through Eddie's beautiful hair.

Richie was beyond the point of angry; he was fucking livid. As harshly as he could muster, he launched his body into a full figure in front of him. "Move! You goddamn _dipshit_!"

The male turned around aggressively, "Who are you calling a dipshit, dipshit?"

Richie stepped forward, unphased that the male was a head taller than him. The only thing fueling his fire was the goal of reaching Eddie. "You! I am calling you a dipshit! Your lard ass is blocking the whole fucking path. Part the sea and move before I move you!"

The other male laughed, "You think your worthless scrawny ass is going to move me? I'd love to see you try it."

Richie snickered in response, "Scrawny? Well _ole chap_ , you better go home and ask your mother just how scrawny my wang was last night when I was balls deep in her! "

The student's face scrunched up in disgust and fury, "You son of a bitch!"

He lunged towards Richie with the intent of smashing his face in, but his fist never made an impact.

Richie kicked him so hard in the knee that the male fell to the ground like a ton of bricks, dropping into the crowd creating a small path.

The crowd around them lost focus on Henry and Eddie and changed their sites to see what new drama was occurring.

Richie, Mike, and Bill jumped over him without hesitation and ignored the confused faces staring holes into them.

They were so close to getting to Eddie, that Richie could almost smell the other boy's cologne.

In an instant, Eddie clobbered Henry using that red tray. The sound of plastic breaking his nose made a sickening _'WHAM,'_ ring throughout their ears.

And then Eddie was barreling past them through the crowd effortlessly as if it was a run through an empty field.

Richie's breath hitched in his throat as he felt his muscles tighten up so much that his body became stiff like a statue. His heart began to beat rapidly in his chest.

"What the fuck?!?" Richie screamed to Bill and Mike, who were equally as confused as he was.

There was no time to answer though because Belch was sprinting towards them to go after Eddie.

"Richie, go after him!" Mike screamed as he and Bill moved to block Belch's path.

Richie didn't need to be told twice. Immediately, he began racing after Eddie, ignoring the sound of Mike's fist pounding into Belch's skull behind him.

His converse smacked against the concrete beneath him hard and fast, as he rushed to his car. He knew where Eddie was going, and he couldn't have his smoker lungs collapsing on the way there.

His hands fumbled as he reached into his pockets, frantically trying to locate his keys. The moment he found them, Richie jumped into his beat up pick up truck and shoved the keys into the ignition. He slammed onto the brake pedal as he shifted the car into drive, then used his other foot to hit the acceleration pedal.

Without a second glance behind him, he pulled out of his parking space and drove out of the school. A screeching noise was the only signal to his tires burning the cement below.

* * *

  
When Eddie reached the Barrens, he fell to the ground breathlessly, his chest and calves were screaming at him in agony.

He felt the smoldering heat of the summer sun against his skin and a voice in the back of his told him he might as well stay there. Just burn and seize to exist, Bowers was going to kill him. And even if he didn't, his mother would eventually end up suffocating him to death anyway. At least, if he weren't around, he wouldn't have to deal with them anymore, and he wouldn't be plagued with the memories of the Leper or It.

Most of all, he wouldn't have to feel so ashamed of being in love with Richie. He wouldn't have to watch Richie grow up to marry a beautiful girl and have children, leaving him behind in this _hell hole_.

Eddie felt that sickening feeling of his chest tightening, as he let out exasperated breaths. He reached to grab his inhaler out of his fanny pack but touched only his stomach. He looked down at his waist, where his fanny pack should have been but just saw the red stain on his hoodie.

He replayed the morning in his mind and remembered that he had forgotten to grab it, he was too busy fighting with his mother and rushing out the door.

Eddie's breaths were coming out more quickly now, as he was beginning to panic.

Just moments ago, death didn't sound like such a bad idea. However, with it becoming a possibility, Eddie was _petrified_.

He would never get to see his mother again. Regardless of how much he hated everything she did, he loved her. That woman had birthed him, and before his dad died, she was relatively normal. He had some good memories with her too. If he was to die now, what would happen to her?

He would never be able to hang out with Stan watching as birds flew in the crystal blue sky. Whenever Stan would explain to him what they were, Eddie couldn't help but feel like he was going to fall asleep. The only thing snapping him out of it was hearing the enthusiasm in Stan's voice when he saw one he hadn't seen in a while.

Riding on the back of Old Silver as Bill biked him around would no longer be an option. He could practically hear their laughs merging as they speeded through the town, the wind blowing their hair into their eyes. When they would stop to adjust themselves, they would stare at the red leaves falling from the trees, adding to the piles on the floor.

Never again would he hear Ben's soothing voice as he read stories aloud for all the Loser's on their sleepover nights. Nor would he get to be the first one to give his opinion on the poetry Ben wrote for Beverly. What stung the most would be that he would never get to watch Ben succeed in his ultimate goal of marrying Bev.

Speaking of Bev, Eddie was always the one forced to go with her on her shopping trips. She stopped to look at every little thing and tried to bargain the prices with the store owners. Though he complained the entire time, he enjoyed being around her and watching her thrive. He would give anything just to do it all, one more time.

The thought of Eddie never being able to attend another one of Mike's football games made tears form in his eyes. Eddie always cheered the loudest when Mike would get a touchdown, earning him teases from Richie 'You should have been a cheerleader.' He would never be able to watch Mike work on the farm, caring for all the animals in a way he never knew possible. Mike's always been the kindest.

The world began to spin, and he could slowly feel his body starting to go numb.

Richie would be the hardest to leave behind. Eddie would miss holding him in his arms and running his fingers through his curls. Despite how mad it made him hearing the horrible nicknames and smell of cigarettes and Old Spice cologne taking over his senses, it was always welcomed.

Most of all, he would miss the satisfaction of knowing that Richie ended up _happy_. After all the neglect he has endured at the hands of his parents, Eddie knew that Richie was the one most _deserving of love_.

Eddie stared absentmindedly at the sky, his vision was becoming blurry, and his intake of air slowed until it felt like nothing at all. He could feel the world beginning to darken around him, and his body felt weightless. His eyelids collapsed over his brown orbs. The last thing he could remember was the sound of crackling leafs only a couple of feet away, and he could have sworn he heard someone crying out his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was very angsty! Sorry if I make you sad. Please leave kudos and comments. :D Next chapter will be up this weekend, hopefully!


	7. You're the Inspiration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for reading my story. Leaving kudos and comments always make me smile and make me feel good about what I am writing. This chapter was edited by my friend, dinotsuki! She is on ao3 and tumblr! However, if you find any errors please let me know! More eyes are better than four.

**Chapter 6: You're the Inspiration**

Richie drove just as he lived each day, fast-paced and dangerously. He swerved in and out of traffic earning him honks from those in his path. They slammed on their brakes to avoid hitting him, screaming profanities as they rushed past him. Richie groaned in annoyance and threw the trash he had sitting on the passenger seat out the window.

_ 'Hasta la vista, homework.' _

To drown out the frustrated yells from the traffic around him, he turned the radio up to an alarmingly high volume. The truck began to rattle, and he could practically feel his seat pulsating beneath him. He slapped his hands onto the wheel playfully following the tempo of the song.

Raspily he sang,  **"Take a bottle, shake it up. Break the bubble, break it up. Pour some sugar on me. Ooh, in the name of love. Pour some sugar on me."**

Richie turned the wheel and shifted his blinker on signaling for everyone to get the hell out of his way. He accelerated up to 85 miles per hour and then merged between three lanes with ease, possibly leaving behind wreckage and disaster.

Richie parked onto a dirty area just outside the Barrens. He pulled his keys out of the ignition and practically flew out of the car. He swallowed thickly to regain moisture in his mouth.

"Oh, Eds! Come out come out wherever you are. Dear old _Trashmouth_ has come to save the day."

His voice echoed, causing the nearby birds to drift away from trees in the distance.

Richie listened for any noises nearby, but his ears did not pick up on anything but chirps. Richie began to walk more quickly through the rocky area, near the water's surface shouting. "You know, I am not in the mood to play hide and go seek Eds. Well except for later when I play hide the cucumber with your mother."

_ Still nothing. _

He stopped to look around the area, trying to determine which way Eddie would have gone. His eyes averted to the environment in front of him. Rocks of all sizes littered onto the dirty ground.

_ Nope _

Eddie would be too afraid of falling onto the uneven gravel and getting a disease from an animal's feces. He shifted his body to the left and noticed a path that was almost barren, past the stream. It appeared to be more dirt than rock.

_ Bingo _

As Richie began to walk down the trail, he heard the unmistakable sound of someone wheezing in the distance. Richie quickened his pace his vans crunching the crisp leafs below.

“Eds!” His ordinarily low voice escalated a couple of notches, the sound was entirely foreign for Richie.

Then the loud, uneven breathing abruptly stopped, leaving Richie with no idea where to go. The only thing he could hear was the sound of his own heart beating rapidly in his ears, knowing the situation became dire.

“Fuck! Eddie, where are you?” He muttered as he sprinted further down the path, his eyes frantically darting looking for the smaller boy.

Richie ran as fast as he could, but he was certainly not in his element. Sweat rolled down his forehead making his curly hair cling to him uncomfortably. His lungs screamed at him in protest, each time he inhaled through his nose his chest radiated with heat. He panted deeply, trying to intake more precious air. Richie's body hurt from overexertion, and his mind screamed at him to stop. But his heart wouldn't let him. It was his turn to go to the end of the world for Eddie. It did not help matters that he was long and ungraceful like a gazelle, so he almost tripped over his own feet numerous times.

The world stopped rotating when he finally found the smaller male. Richie’s eyes magnified taking in Eddie's appearance. He was sprawled out on the floor with dirt clinging to his clothes, hair, and body. His breath hitched as he noticed the spaghetti staining not only the black hoodie he was wearing but also his gorgeous hair. Eddie's breaths were shallow, but he was struggling.

"Eds!" Richie dropped to his side immediately grabbing Eddie's shoulders hauling him up to a sitting position. He placed one of his arms on Eddie's lower back while he put the other one in his pocket, grabbing an extra inhaler.

Skillfully, he pulled off the cap and placed the device up to Eddie's lips. He pulled the trigger on the top, allowing the "medicine" to flow into the boy's lungs. Richie could feel Eddie beginning to even out, so he rubbed reassuring circles into Eddie's back.

"You're okay now, Eds." Richie turned to smile, but it disappeared when he noticed Eddie's eyelashes glued onto his cheeks. Eddie was fast asleep.

Richie swallowed the lump in his throat, looking back at the direction he just came from and then at Eddie again.

_ Just my fucking luck. _

Without a second thought, he placed his arm under Eddie's knees being careful not to brush against the boy's rear accidentally. With his free arm, he pushed Eddie into his chest grabbing onto his shoulder. Richie hauled him up into his arms, his legs almost buckling beneath him due to Eddie's deadweight.

"Damn Eds. You're going to be the death of me." Richie chuckled at his joke as he carried Eddie out of the Barrens.

* * *

 

Eddie's head was throbbing in agony, the sound of wind rushing towards at an alarming rate only worsened it. His hair was moving everywhere, which would have been an issue, had he not welcomed the crisp air refreshing his sweaty skin.

His eyes opened, and he started to scan his surroundings. He could see what was supposed to be the bottom of a vehicle's floorboard, trash covering it completely. Directly in front of him was a dashboard and he saw the familiar air freshener in the shape of a tree dangling on the sun visor mirror.

"R-Richie?" His mouth was drier than the Sahara desert, so it came out weakly.

Richie turned his head over to him, only taking his eyes off of the road in front of him for a second. "Morning sleepy head."

"Do you have anything to drink, Rich? I am so fucking thirsty. I'll drink  _ almost _ anything. As long as it's sealed."

Richie laughed at that. Even when Eddie was in such a desperate state, the germaphobe inside of him still managed to surface. He reached into a black plastic bag beside him and pulled out a water bottle dangling it in front of Eddie.

Eddie snatched it and opened the cap inspected the rim to make sure it was clean. He then turned his head to Richie. "Wait. Did you buy this from a gas station?"

"Seriously? It's fucking closed,  _ your majesty _ . I didn't even take a drink of it. How the hell are you going to question where it came from?" Richie added, "I spent $1.00 on that, so it is the real deal Eds."

"Do you know what they do at gas stations, Richie? They take old water bottles and refill them with tap water, glue them shut and then resell them! Do you even know what's in tap water? There is fucking lead, chlorine, and fluoride! I don't know about you, but I don't want any of that shit in my body. Also, do you know how many people's lips may have come into contact with-"

Richie cut him off, "What happened to,  _ 'I'll drink almost anything, as long as it's sealed' _ huh?" raising the pitch of his voice, mocking the younger boy.

Eddie sighed as he brought the bottle up to his lips, drinking some of it. He smacked his tongue to the roof of his mouth and didn't taste any chalky textures. He took another drink, this time he took large gulps until there was nothing left.

Richie hummed in satisfaction. "Weren't all of those minerals and lead particles  _ delicious _ , Eds?"

Eddie wanted to punch him but only slumped back into the comfort of Richie's passenger seat. "Fuck you, Tozier."

"You'll have to wait in line behind your mother and the rest of the student body," Richie responded without thinking. As soon as he realized, he felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

Quickly, he tried to change the subject. "Are you going to tell me what happened at school?"

Richie refused to make eye contact with Eddie, so he didn't see that Eddie's face was just as flushed as his own.

"No. I don't want to talk about it," it came out as a mumble since his head was downcast in shame.

Richie turned onto Eddie's street, and he could feel Eddie become tense.

"What the hell are you doing Richie? Taking me home for my mother to slaughter me?!?"

"Eddie I know you don't want to talk about it, but you practically slapped Bowers into another fucking  _ dimension _ . Then you ran out of the school while it was still in  _ session _ . So, your mom is still at work!"

Eddie stopped, realizing Richie was right. "Sorry. I am just..." He paused thinking of what to say, "On edge."

"Everyone can tell, dude." Richie retorted. "If you don't want to talk about what happened at school, then can we at least talk about this morning?" He pulled his truck into Eddie's driveway and pulled his emergency brake to secure it in place.

"There is nothing to talk about, Richie." Eddie got out of the car, stumbling slightly.

Richie was by his side in an instant, pulling one of Eddie's arms up onto his shoulder to stabilize him. "I only want to help you, Eds." His voice was stern, yet caring at the same time.

Eddie didn't know what to say, so he kept his mouth shut. Together they walked into the house and Eddie sighed in relief to see his mother was not home. In utter silence, they made their way up the stairs into Eddie's room.

Finally, Richie broke the awkward silence. “Well, Eddie Spaghetti-” he stopped when he noticed the other boy glaring at him on the bed.

“My bad, Eds.” Richie corrected himself, not wanting to remind his friend of the horrible events of the day.

Eddie stood up and went over to his drawers, grabbing a clean shirt, shorts, and underwear. "I'm going to get all this crap off of me. I'll leave the door open so you can continue to blabber, trashmouth."

Richie could hear the sound of Eddie peeling off his clothes, throwing them onto the floor without care. Richie did not dare to turn around. Instead, he turned his back so that it faced the bathroom door.

He looked around at the room that had become his second home. He could see parts of the white sheets showing underneath Eddie's bright salmon blanket.  Then he looked over to Eddie's perfectly organized desk. All of the papers were in a neat pile. His pencils and other school supplies were in a box on the far corner. Gently, he picked up the only thing he hadn't seen before. It was a cherry oak picture frame. Richie looked at it and smiled sincerely.

It was a photo from Mike's 17th birthday party almost a year ago. Mike was wearing a pink birthday cap and had his arm wrapped around Bev, who was holding the cake up with a giant grin on her face. To her right stood Ben who was laughing at something Stan said. Stan was right beside him with his arm around Bill, who was smiling with his eyes closed. Finally, his eyes skimmed to himself who was looking at all of them blowing on a noise maker. Then there was Eddie, who was also smiling ear to ear. Unlike everyone else in the photo, Eddie's eyes only had one focus, and that was the person who was right beside him.

Being cautious of everything else on Eddie's desk, he set the photo back down but found something in its place. It was a mixtape that he did not recognize and he smirked at the idea of pure old Eddie hiding something from his mother.

Eddie came out of the shower wearing a white shirt and navy blue shorts. Richie's eyes to traveled down to Eddie's bare legs but knew he couldn't stare for long. Awkwardly, he grabbed the mixtape off of Eddie's desk.

Richie snorted bringing it up to face reading Eddie's neat handwriting in sharpie, “Chicago? This is some old shit, Eddie.” Richie looked back to Eddie's face. His hair was soaking wet, do drops of water slid off of his face onto his clean top.

Eddie's eyebrows furrowed and his nose scrunched up in annoyance. “You weren’t saying that three years ago. Since you don't clean yourself regularly, you must've accumulated a ton ear wax, and now it's clogging your hearing. I guess that's why you wouldn't know good music from bad.”

"Well, let's see if your music is any better Kaspbrak," Richie challenged the other as he slid the mixtape in Eddie's stereo and pressed play.

Eddie rolled his eyes and made himself comfortable on his bed, placing his hands on his lap.

Richie stood beside him. It was killing him not to talk, especially to Eddie. He  _ wanted _ to know what was wrong with his best friend. No. Richie _ needed _ to understand what was going on like he required blood in his veins. Not having his questions answered made his mind wander restlessly. The sound of Chicago's songs playing one after another in the background was the only thing filling the tension in the room.

Eddie looked up and made eye contact with Richie for the first time since they got to the house. "Don't blow a head gasket over there, Rich."

"Easy for you to say, Eddie. I am supposed to be your best friend, and you won't tell me what the fuck is going on. Richie's feelings poured out of him, and his next words came out as a shout. "How do you expect anyone to help you?"

Eddie's brows tightened as he scowled, "Who said I needed help, Richie?"

"The whole gang is worried about you, Eddie. But you are keeping us in the dark."

"That must be a joke, coming from you. Richie the guy who always comes over to spend the night when things go wrong at his house, but never bothers to let me know what is going on."

Eddie stepped off of his bed and began to walk towards Richie. "Rather than ripping your head off for answers, I support you. For once Richie, I need the same. I don't want to talk about it today. I want to forget it." Eddie's voice was hushed, coming out as a plea.  "Why can't you just stop prying?"

Richie began to think about it, trying to find a way to argue his case. However, he recalled the nights he ran to Eddie's house after a fight with his parents. He would lay in Eddie's arms until he fell asleep and Eddie would never question him when he woke up in the morning. Eddie would bring him breakfast and they would read comic books until they decided to hang out with the others.

_ Eddie always supported him. _

Richie wanted to apologize and tell Eddie that he was right. He wanted to admit that he was a selfish hypocrite, and he just couldn't help it. But the sound of the next song came on, halting his actions. The voice was soothing, and the beat was calming and mellow.

**You know our love was meant to be. The kind of love to last forever and I want you here with me, from tonight until the end of time.**

Richie recognized the song as something they used to listen to and suddenly Richie felt the urge to hold Eddie.

_ But he couldn’t just say that. _

"Dance with me, Eds." Richie offered, but his voice was so stern that it sounded like a command.

Nervously, Eddie folded his arms over his chest as he shrieked. " _What the fuck?_ No! Did you forget that we are fighting right now."

Richie closed the distance between them and placed his large hands on Eddie's hips. "Not anymore. I'm sorry, Eddie. Just dance with me, please."

The glare on Eddie's face softened when he saw the glimmer of passion in Richie’s eyes. The anger suddenly receded and was replaced by the sensation of butterflies fluttering in his chest and stomach. He always felt helpless whenever Richie was around. He convinced himself that Richie had him under a magical spell that forced him to feel this way. Every it only got worse. He could feel himself slipping falling deeper in love with Richie. Although it was a problem,  he never wanted it to go away.

_ He never wanted Richie to go away. _

Eddie placed arms around Richie's neck, burying his face in Richie's shoulder to conceal his blush. Richie pulled Eddie closer into himself and began to sway slowly around the room.

**You should know, everywhere I go. Always on my mind, in my heart in my soul baby. You’re the meaning in my life you’re the inspiration.**

They waltzed around the room, holding onto each other as if their lives depended on it. Eddie yearned to confess everything, from the leper to Henry Bowers, and his feelings for Richie. The words were on the tip of his tongue, but he ended up biting his bottom lip and swallowing them. Richie was his person, and he couldn’t afford to lose that.

_ Eddie could only pretend. _

Right now, he was the center of Richie's entire universe.

They were together and happy.

He was loved.

He was accepted.

He was free.

_ But he wasn’t. _

His heart ached, but Eddie continued to dance with Richie. He wrapped his arms tighter around Richie as he felt hot tears beginning to sting his eyes. Despite how much it hurt him emotionally, Eddie knew he would regret it if he didn’t stay in Richie’s embrace for as long as he could.

Richie felt the heat on his chest and looked down at Eddie, who was hiding his face in part of Richie’s shirt. 

Richie gently moved one of his hands up to Eddie’s hair and stroked some of the damp parts. “You're okay, Eds. _I got you_. I’ll never let anything happen to you.”

**You bring feeling to my life, you’re the inspiration. I wanna have you near me I wanna have you hear me saying, ‘No one needs you more than I need you.’ And I know, yes I know that it's plain to see so in love when were here together. Now I know that I need you here with me. From tonight until the end of time.**

Eddie’s head shot up at to look at Richie and couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. They rolled down off his bottom lashes and slid down his cheeks with no sign on them stopping.

Richie placed his hands onto Eddie’s cheeks, wiping the tears away with his thumbs. He peered into Eddie’s amber brown eyes and felt a pang of empathy go down his spine.

“Please don’t cry, Eds. When you hurt,  _ I hurt _ .” Richie noticed that the tears only continued, so he sang along to the song. “ **You should know, everywhere I go always on my mind. You’re in my heart in my soul.** ”

Eddie smiled at him warmly, feeling like his heart was about to burst. He shakily continued the next part, “ **You’re the meaning in my life you’re the inspiration. You bring feeling to my life you’re the inspiration.** ”

Richie’s eyes widened seeing that smile from Eddie. It was the same one that set his heart on fire and made his stomach uneasy. “ **Wanna have you near me. I wanna hear you saying, ‘no one needs you more than I need you** .”

Richie averted his gaze to Eddie’s pink lips. They were full and plump and  _ kissable as hell _ .  Of its own accord, his body got closer to Eddie’s. He put his forehead against Eddie’s and stared at him intently. 

Eddie’s blush deepened when he traced Richie’s stare to his lips and then looked back into Richie’s dark eyes.

Suddenly their lips were drawn together, who moved first was not known, but that didn't matter because it ended just as quickly as it started.  

Everything crashed on Richie at once. All of those times he was staring at Eddie inappropriately, wanting to kiss him, and that fucking smile that made him feel things he _never_ wanted to was not from his hormones betraying him.

“Uhmm… I gotta go, Eds. My mom is going to want me home soon.” Richie made up a lie, letting go of Eddie like it burned to touch him.

Eddie knew that Richie was leaving because of  _ him _ . He also knew that after today, they probably would no longer be friends. He swallowed the lump in his throat, choking back sobs.  “T-thanks for  _ everything _ , Richie.”

Richie quickly grabbed his keys and made his way to the door but Eddie caught his attention once more.

“Tomorrow is Thursday. Are you going to come hang out with me at the Quarry while I run?” Eddie’s voice held no hope, but he faked it as best as he could to sound normal.

Richie didn’t turn around. His heart was racing. If he dared to turn around, he would have done something rash. “Of course, Eds. How else would I see your mom?”  

Richie ran down the stairs only hearing the sound of Eddie sobbing. His voice echoed in his ears. He exited the Kaspbrak house and shut the door quietly behind him.

The moment Richie got into his truck he let out a frustrated yell. Painfully, he slammed his hands into his steering wheel as a way of punishing himself. Due to his selfishness alone, he lost the only person who ever cared about him.

_ All because he fell in love with his best friend. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Richie's songs to Eddie:  
> -You're the Inspiration by Chicago  
> -Glory of Love by Peter Cetera   
> -Paradise City by Guns N' Roses  
> -As the World Falls Down by David Bowe  
> -You are my Sunshine by Johnny Cash  
> -Can't Help Falling In Love by Elvis  
> -You've Got a Friend by The Blenders  
> -Stand By Me by Ben E. King  
> -Africa by Toto
> 
> Eddie's songs to Richie:  
> -This Magic Moment by Ben E. KIng  
> -Take my Breath Away by Berlin  
> -What I Like About You by The Romantics  
> -I Wanna Hold Your Hand by The Beatles  
> -You Really Got A Hold On Me by The Beatles  
> -Can't Fight This Feeling by REO Speedwagon


	8. As The World Falls Down

**Chapter 7: As The World Falls Down**

Tears poured from Eddie's eyes freely, spilling down his cheeks like a river escaping a damn. He buried his face deep into his pillow to muffle sobs that involuntarily escaped his lips coming out like hiccups. He tried to fight against the exhaustion that was suddenly hitting him, but his eyelids were so heavy. Eddie turned his head to the side to peak out his window. The sky was a perfect gradient of yellow, orange, pink, purple, and blue hues. Dawn was breaking, and the sun was rising steadily beyond the houses in the distance. The brightness stung, so he retreated into the pillow despite the skin under his eyes feeling raw.

Lazily, he hung his legs over the bed and grunted. The last place he wanted to be today was at school, where Henry Bowers, Belch, and Vic were waiting to squash him like a bug. And although he loved Richie, he didn't want to see him either. For the first time in years, _he wanted nothing to do with Richie Tozier._

Upon first meeting Richie in the second grade, Eddie was skeptical and wary of Richie's presence. He wasn't the cleanest child. Often he came in the same clothes he wore the day prior and his hair was in knots. Eddie's mother ensured that he sat as far away from Richie as possible. Richie, well, being Richie, just had to introduce himself and got into Eddie's personal space a little too much. Eddie didn't seem to mind, and if he did, he didn't say anything because they became inseparable. It was like they were attached at the hip. Every day they would sit on the bus together, and in class, they had to have their desks facing each other at all times. Richie often distracted Eddie from his work, so their teacher Mr. Roberts tried to separate their desks. All hell broke loose because Richie did not take kindly to the 'unfairness' of the matter, so Eddie kicked the teacher right in the shin. When Mr. Roberts hauled Eddie to his feet and ordered him to go to the office, Richie bit him.

Eddie smiled halfheartedly at the memory. They had grown so much since then. Their group increased from just the two of them to a indestructible army of seven. Together, they faced many challenges, hardships, and loses, but they always had one another to fall onto too. For Eddie, the person who it was easiest to fall apart with was Richie.

Now, he had no one to lean on. He couldn't go to Richie, _not now or ever again_. Memories of the day prior would all come rushing back. The sense of security he felt when he was intertwined with Richie, swaying to the music. Richie's soft voice as he sang to him and wiped away Eddie's tears. Then, there was the kiss that may have only lasted a second but electrified his whole system, causing his senses to malfunction. Though it had been hours since they kissed, the feel of Richie's lips still lingered on Eddie's own.

All of that was torn away from Eddie when Richie pulled away. The expression would remain etched in his memory. Richie's brow wrinkled in vexation. His ordinarily dark eyes that never failed to set Eddie's heart on fire were smoldering, making him feel frigid. The other man's jaw was clenched tightly, making his cheekbones more prominent on his face. Then he avoided Eddie's gaze as he blatantly lied, making Eddie's stomach uneasy. Eddie could practically feel the regret seething off Richie's body as the curly haired teen ran away.

Eddie was devastated that he couldn't feel the same remorse Richie did. He enjoyed kissing the other male who had been the apple of his eye for three years. Hell, maybe even his whole life. Eddie loved everything about Richie despite how much he teased him. Richie's eyes were captivating, his smile was enchanting, and his guttural laughs made Eddie's heart soar.

The only remorse he had now was falling in love with his now ex-best friend.  
  
Now that Richie was away, he felt like half of a whole. He was lost in the galaxy, with no planets or stars to brighten the pitch blackness. He was entirely alone, floating into the nothingness of space.

Just thinking about Richie caused tears Eddie didn't know he was still producing to slip past eyes onto his pillow below. Downstairs he could hear his mother watching her favorite soap opera, The Young and The Restless. Signaling to Eddie that it was almost time for him to be getting up to get ready for school.

With a massive pain in his chest, he got up and got ready for school. His whole routine was thrown off by the situation. He remained in the clothes he was wearing yesterday, which was something he would never do. He didn't spend as much time brushing his hair or teeth, only doing what was necessary.

Each step he took down the stairs made his heart race even harder against his ribs. His breathing quickened, and he reached out to hold onto his black fanny pack. _Just in case._

He walked straight to the door but was interrupted by the sound of his mother's voice, "Eddie-bear. I didn't even hear you come home last night. You didn't come out of your room either, are you sick? Do I need to take you to the doctor?." She eyed her son up and down, making sure everything looked intact.

"No, ma. I passed out doing an assignment for my college portfolio." Eddie lied.

Sonia's nostrils flared up as her eyes scanned over Eddie's face trying to find even the smallest ounce of deceit. She sighed deeply and placed a hand on his forehead, but he recoiled from her touch. "I still think I should take you to the doctor, but I have enough going on today as it is. While you're in school, I will be refilling your prescriptions. Make sure to pick them all up. I have my business trip that I have to attend, and it's too late to cancel. I can't even book you a ticket right now if I tried. We will talk about your punishment for your _disgusting_ behavior yesterday. Do not let any of your vermin friends in my house, do you understand Edward?"

Eddie cringed at his mother's tone. Initially, she seemed worried about him, and now all of a sudden she was so cold blooded. It was like she was almost mad that Eddie was healthy. She couldn't make a skeptical out of him.

Eddie spoke shakily, "Yes, ma. I understand."

Sonia kissed his cheek as she stroked his hair, her eyes still searching for any vulnerability in Eddie. "When you get home today, mommy won't be here. I left emergency numbers on the fridge. There is an extra first aid kit in my bathroom. I cooked you breakfast, lunch, and dinner for each day that I am gone. It's in the freezer with the heating instructions taped on the side. Make sure to do it correctly; you know you can get sick eating raw food. Also, there is some money in my cookie jar. For emergencies only, young man."

Eddie muttered as he hugged her gently. "Bye, mom. Everything will be fine. I promise."

With that, they separated, and Eddie began to walk to school. The crisp October wind blew the fallen leafs off the ground and into other people's yards. A gust of wind blew directly by Eddie causing his body to get goosebumps. He shivered and began walking faster to radiate some heat. He looked down at his watch which read 7:20 and then looked at the road without hope. There were no cars or trucks in sight. Richie hadn't even bothered to pick him up for school, confirming his suspicion that Richie didn't want to be associated with him. 

* * *

  
Stan's mouth hung low as Mike and Bill filled him in on what happened, he had no words. He was in disbelief. _Scared._ It was Beverly that spoke first.

"So all that shit I heard about Henry Bowers yesterday was true?"

Mike shook his head in agreement, but it held no enthusiasm, only deep concern. "Yeah, it's all true."

"And it was Eddie? _Our Eddie_ that broke his nose in two places?" Beverly had a smirk on her face, and her eyes gleamed with pride. It was about time that someone stood up to those assholes. Ben's arm wrapped around her. He wanted to laugh at the karma of it all, but he was too worried.

"That's nothing to be happy about, Bev. Do you realize how mad Henry is going to be when he comes to school today? He is going to kill Eddie!" Stan panicked, fearing for the younger males safety.

"S-stans right," came from Bill, "We are all going to have to make sure to stay together. At least until it all blows over."

"We also have some other matters to discuss." Mike mentioned, "Before the fight happened at lunch, we were all trying to figure out what was wrong with Eddie. When everyone left, Richie told us that Eddie seemed like he was afraid. Like he was with _It_."

Stan stiffened, and he could feel his body beginning to tremble. Subconsciously, Stan's hands traveled to his face, grasping onto the scars from when he was bitten. Bill reached over, draping his arm around Stan's shoulder securing him in place.

"Do-don't worry, Stan. We killed It." Bill reiterated Mike's sentence to calm the other boy down, "Richie thinks Eddie is holding out on something that may have happened back t-then."

"It couldn't have been during the time we were at the Niebolt house together." Ben chimed in, "We were all together. Even when Eddie was separated from us, it was only for a few minutes at most."

They all stared at him, waiting for him to get to the point. "So, whatever is causing him to be this way...had to happen when he had his own experience with It. Right?"

"The Leper," Stan mentioned.

"That has to be it." Beverly said sternly as her eyebrows raised in realization, "I found out what we are doing this weekend, boys. We are going to find out what's going on with Eddie."

They were so engrossed in their conversation that they didn't notice Richie making his way over to them. He grabbed Beverly from behind in an attempt to scare her, but she merely punched his arm.

"Speaking of one of the devils," Beverly said as she slung an arm over the much taller male's shoulder, pulling him in for a one-sided hug.

"H-hey Rich," Bill stated as they did their signature handshake earning a laugh from Richie.

Mike grabbed onto the curly headed teen's shoulder and shook him playfully. "Richie, you never called us to let us know what happened."

"Yeah let us know what happened, Rich. Bill and Mike were just telling us about it."

Richie didn't want to talk about yesterday. He noticed the death glare he was receiving from Stan, so he grinned trying to change the subject. "Stan, my man. Aren't you excited to see me? Not eager to tell me hello?"

Stan grunted as he rubbed his curly hair in frustration, "You'll get a _'hello'_ when you tell me where the fuck Eddie is."

To this, they all began to look around for the final member of their gang. When they couldn't find him in the crowds of students overflowing into the school, they shifted their attention to Richie.

Mike's tone was low and angry, "Richie. Where is he?"

Richie bit into his bottom lip, remembering the feel of Eddie's lips on his own. He recovered quickly, and his face hardened to a stoic expression. "He can get to school by himself, stop treating him like he is glass. You know he hates that shit."

Beverly, being the second closest to Richie could only stare at him in shock, almost choking on her words. "Are you serious? Eddie's your best friend, Richie. You were there to see what happened yesterday, and you're going to pull some stupid shit like this?"

Richie's dark brown eyes fell to the floor. "Look. I can't. . ." He paused to prevent his voice from breaking, "I can't be around him. At least not right now."

The atmosphere between them changed, and their attention became shared between the two boys.

_Since when did Richie Tozier not want to be around Eddie Kaspbrak?_

There were many things they wanted to say, but Richie opened the double doors and left. Leaving them with more questions than what they started with. The sound of the bell going off in the distance alerted Stan, Bill, and Mike to take their leave. They weren't allowed to be late, for Sport related reasons. 

"What the heck just happened?" Ben questioned.

"Well Benny, I think another party has been added to our intervention," Beverly responded.

"If that's the case, we will have to corner them. Those two are too stubborn to talk willingly. Bill, Stan, and Mike have practice until what, seven?" Beverly nodded her head in agreeance, so Ben suggested. "We can corner at Eddie at his house and have Bill lure Richie over?"

"My oh my, Ben. You are the perfect mixture of smart and conniving. Except, I will be the one luring the Trashmouth to Eddie's. I know his means of _persuasion._ " Beverly leaned over kissing him on the cheek.

Ben raised his eyebrow in question with a suggestive look on his face, "Really? Just how are you going to persuade him, Beverly?"

"Weed. Cigarettes. Alcohol. Hell, maybe even Tokens for the arcade. You name it. He is a primitive man with simple needs." The couple looped their hands together and began to walk to class before the final bell rung.

* * *

 

The day dragged on, and with each passing class, the group became eager for seven o'clock to roll around. Around lunchtime, they all showed up, except for Eddie and Richie. Richie sat with some other friends while Eddie hid in a classroom to avoid Henry Bowers. They knew there was nothing they could do, so waiting it out was the only option.

At 2:45 pm a frustrated Richie battled with the overflowing piles of papers vomiting out of his locker. With a few shoves, the trash receded allowing Richie to shut the metal door. Finally. Upon turning around to leave the school the aroma of jasmine perfume walloped him, but he wished it was mangos instead.

He was met with large green eyes, filled with tears as transparent as a crystal lake. _Samantha_.

Richie inwardly groaned and turned away from her, not wanting to deal with yet another issue. He didn't make it far because Samantha grabbed onto his wrist, spinning him around to face her.

"Richie. I know you don't want to talk to me and I understand."

"Look, Samantha. Right now is not the time or place to talk about the breakup; I have to go-"

Samantha interrupted him, "I know. At 4:00 you go with Eddie to that place you tell me about with the water. The _Query_?"

"The Quarry." He corrected her, his voice was cold and held no enthusiasm.

She clutched onto him even tighter, ignoring his deep glare and hateful eyes. "Richie, you have every right to be mad at me. Hell, I am angry at myself. I just need you to know how sorry I am." She brought her arm up to her chest and clutched at where her heart was, tears beginning to roll down her cheeks. "I shouldn't have gotten involved with your business or friends. I just want to go back to the way it was before. Everyone thinks I am this person...so I have to play the role all the time. I barely know who I am anymore. But when I am with you, I feel like I get to be the real me. It's like I am finally-"

"Alive." Richie finished for her, knowing the feeling all too well.

In the past day, Richie had gone without Eddie, and he felt hollow. Eddie was always the one right by his side, making snide comments and laughing at Richie's horrible attempts at making jokes. He was the one who kept Richie stabilized, like an anchor to a boat. Eddie guided him, like a lighthouse in the dead of night in the middle of the dark blue sea. Eddie was the only person who brought light to his dark, lonely, and unloved life.

Fuck. Thinking about Eddie made Richie emotional, he needed to focus on something else.

"Well, what do you want?" His breath hitched.

Samantha stepped closer to Richie and enveloped him in an embrace, staring intensely into his eyes. "You. I want you. _I need you._ "

Richie glanced down at the girl in his arms, feeling the heat rise in his lower stomach. _He couldn't help it_. He was a teenage boy, and he was attracted to her. Samantha noticed the change in his demeanor and brought her lips up to his grazing his own experimentally.

His lips quickly overpowered hers, taking control of the situation by pushing her into the lockers. She wrapped her arms around him and opened her mouth, deepening the kiss. Richie pressed his body against hers as he frantically kissed her rubbing his hands on her feminine hips. Trying to _force_ himself to feel the jolt of electricity that sent shivers throughout his whole form yesterday. He was desperate to push Eddie out of his mind. But neither came.

If anything, kissing Samantha made it ten times fucking worse. Now, as his lips attacked her neck, all he could think about how the hell he had been stupid enough to fall in love with his best friend. _A guy._ By doing so,Richie was just adding onto the many disappointments he caused his mother and father, and being gay would just give them another thing to put him down for.

He couldn't be gay.  
He couldn't love.  
Most of all, he couldn't love Eddie Kaspbrak.

Richie could feel moisture on his cheeks, but he ignored it as he continued to kiss and grope at Samantha's body. His hands trailed upwards to squeeze her chest to convince himself that he was not with Eddie.

Fuck. He had it. _He had it so bad._

"Richie," Samantha moaned low in her throat as she suggestively moved her hand down to fumble with his leather belt.

He watched as her mouth moved, but he didn't listen to the sounds escaping her lips. The only noise resonating throughout his eardrums was Eddie calling out his name, over and over again in different tones. There was one for each of Eddie's emotions, but the one that rang out the loudest was when he had said Richie's name for the final time, sounding like he was suffering.

_'T-thanks for everything, Richie.'_

Richie pulled away and let go of Samantha quickly, his fingertips practically burning from the feel of skin to skin contact. "I've gotta go." For the second time that day, he turned around to leave but was forced back.

Samantha reached over to wipe the tears away from Richie's eyes as she provocatively spoke, "Stop denying yourself of what you want, Rich. You want this." She already knew the answer. A smug smile spread across her face as she placed her arms on Richie's hips. Her green eyes were clouded with lust and locked upon Richie's.

The curly haired shuttered at her touch. Every scenario ran through his head at once.

He shouldn't do it.

He couldn't do it.

He wouldn't do it.

All of the options sounded reasonable. But since when was Richie reasonable? He chose to go down the path that he wanted at that moment. The one he had to prove to himself.

He wanted to be straight.  
He needed to be normal.

Richie's mouth went dry, and he swallowed thickly, responding shakily, "I want you."

As he stared at her eyes for the final time that day, he couldn't help but wish that the green ones looking back at him were brown.

* * *

  
Eddie was standing by the Quarry, staring aimlessly at the water that was too frigid to swim in at the moment. The wind was blowing, causing the water to flow slightly to the left. Stormy rain clouds covered the sky, making it darker and colder than what was forecasted.

The sound of his watch went off signalling that it was finally time for him to begin running. He looked down at his feet and saw that one of his shoelaces had come undone. Without haste, he placed his leg onto a large boulder and bent down to tie it. As he was coming back up, he heard a long drawn out whistle.

He exhaled deeply and time seemed to stop all together. Eddie's heart began to beat hard in his chest, he didn't care how Richie showed his presence at the moment. All that mattered was that he was there, with Eddie. Eddie couldn't contain the excitement in his voice or the smile that spread onto his face, "Richie!"

When he turned around, his facial expression fell. All of the blood and emotions had run out of his body, leaving him paralyzed and shaking in fear. His eyebrows pinched together, and his lips trembled. 

"Not quite, fag." 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, finally for the plot! :D Please let me know if I made any mistakes. I was eager to post this for you guys. Please continue to leave your lovely feedback and kudos!


	9. It Ends Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: There is violent acts and hints of attempted sexual assault in this chapter. If you are uncomfortable with that, please leave right now! If you are okay with that, please read on! Thank you all for your support. Please leave kudos and comments to encourage me to write faster! :D 
> 
> Also, if you find any errors let me know!

**Chapter 8: It Ends Tonight**

The gray clouds moved in closer together making the sky darken. As the wind blew harshly a loud rumble erupted, and a flash of light brightened the atmosphere in the distance It only lasted a short time before the darkness took over Quarry once again. Sprinkles of rain began trickling down wetting the rocks and turning the dirt into mud.  
  
Inadvertently, Eddie took a couple of steps back adding to the distance between himself and the imminent threat; Henry Bowers. He could feel the ragged rocks beneath the soles of his converse shoes, creating another level of discomfort. His whole body wracked uncontrollably under Henry's piercing gaze; those eyes were dark like burned coal, cruel and merciless.

  
Eddie wished he could walk right over and punch the look off of Henry's smug face. Anger still lingered deep inside of him from the last time they had taunted him, which caused a strain in his and Richie's friendship. Given the fact that he was all alone and Bowers had vowed to kill him, he knew he couldn't just throw himself into a fight. He had to get the fuck out of there.  
  
The amber orbs that used to glisten and shine were dull and widened causing his eyebrows to raise and his forehead to crease ever so slightly. His mouth moved, he wanted to scream bloody murder. He was in trouble, and he needed help. But no words ever managed to formulate. His airway was tightening, and his tongue felt thick in his mouth, blocking everything but muffled syllables.  
  
“Ri-Ri-tch-ie.”  
  
“Look, guys, the faggot is trying to communicate with us. Here I thought B-b-bill was the one with the stuttering problem. Or is that something you’ve picked up from your time in his _bedroom_ ?” The dirty blonde spoke menacingly eliciting more shakes out of Eddie.  
  
Eddie's face hardened as he clenched his jaw impossibly tight. His small hands clamped to into fists by his sides as a way to force his body to stop moving. It worked on his upper body, but his legs disobeyed him and continued to wobble together.  
  
_Shit, I'm about to die. But, I'm smarter than all of those idiots combined, right?_  
  
_Oh fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!_  
  
His eyes darted back and forth as he thought about finding a way out of the situation. The only reasonable thing that came to mind was a long shot, he knew. "Back off, Bowers." Eddie's said trying to sound convincing, despite the shakiness of his voice. "The rest of my friends are going to be here any minute. Seven against four is stupid, even for you." The smirk erased from Henry Bowers face, but those eyes still held the same fury.  
  
Eddie's heart was beating so loudly in his chest that he thought he was about to have a heart attack. The rain was soaking him, and his body shivered from the cold gusts of wind stinging his skin. If this didn't work, he knew he was finished.  
  
"Oh no! Did you hear that Belch, the Losers are going to come and get us!" Henry mocked as he began to move towards the smaller male. At first, he was practically sprinting, but out of nowhere, he slowed down.  He walked towards Eddie agonizingly slow, taking one step at a time while taking in Eddie's frightened expression. Like an animal taunting their prey right before pouncing on them.  
  
Eddie felt his heart fall deeply into his stomach burning when it came into contact with the acidic liquids inside. His eyes widened as wide as saucers, but his gaze remained transfixed on the male coming towards him. At that moment he knew he wasn't going to leave. Not without putting up a fight.  
  
Henry was so close now that their chests were almost touching. Eddie could smell the vodka and weed coming from the other males uneven breaths. He wanted to hurl, but he couldn't determine if the cause was the offensive odor or the fear making him nervous.  
  
Eddie peered past Henry, and he saw that Vic and Belch hadn't followed their leader. They only stared, waiting to be called on like the mindless puppets they were. Bowers had a weak spot, meaning he had a chance to get away.  
  
With as much strength as he could muster his fist plummeted into Henry's face, right into the bandage covering his injured nose. He must have caught the other male off guard again because Henry almost fell to the floor. Eddie pivoted his body and began to run through the mud, ignoring the heaviness of his feet. He could hear Bower's screams directly behind him, but he didn't dare to turn around. Instead, he ran faster as he began to go over the slippery rocks.  
  
Without warning, he felt a massive figure landing on him forcing him into the rocks below. His right wrist rolled beneath the pressure and his upper thigh collided with a particularly sharp rock, cutting him open. The pain was so intense that he bellowed out in agony. "Get the fuck off of me, you fat piece of shit!" He tried to push against the body but was forced down even further.  
  
Eddie could hear Henry Bower's slowly making his way over, the sound of his chain rattling was an indication of that. "No one is coming to help! You should have just taken the beating like a fucking man," Henry screamed wildly. "But you wouldn't know anything about being a man, would you Eddie? _You're a fucking disgrace! A good for nothing faggot_ !"  
  
The weight crushing Eddie came off, but before he had another chance to run away, he was grabbed harshly and shoved into Henry Bowers. A barrage of punches met Eddie's face, making sickening sounds upon impact. The adrenaline was rushing through his body so he could feel the punches, but the pain wasn't registering yet. Blood was seeping from his thigh and now his nose. Henry pushed the smaller man into the ground, securing Eddie in place by straddling his waist. Then he placed a bruisingly tight grip around the younger man’s throat, forcing it in the upright position.  
  
Eddie could feel the blood from his nose seeping into the back of his throat almost gagging him with the overwhelming taste of metallic. It rolled down his throat like a river so he had to swallow it to prevent choking. _Fuck, he had to get out of there._ Even having the strain on his throat, he managed to say, "They're coming, wait and see Bowers."  
  
Henry grabbed a fistful of Eddie's hair and yanked it to maneuver Eddie's face to stare into his. "I know for a fact that no one is going to help you, faggot. You wanna know why?"  
  
"They are coming. I don't give a fuck about what you have to say, Bowers!" Eddie retorted.  
  
"Are you sure you don't give a fuck, Eds? I'm sure you've _fucked_ around with your faggoty friends. _That's probably the only reason why they keep you around_ !"  
  
Eddie began to kick his legs, trying to get free from the older man on top of him. "Go to hell and don't fucking call me that!"  
  
Henry pulled Eddie's brown locks harder forcing a hiss to escape his lips. "So damn feisty! All of this isn't for nothing." He stared at Eddie, who was as pale as a ghost. "Oh, I get it. You've tried to, huh? _But none of them wanted you_ . I'm right. _Aren't I_ ?"  
  
Eddie's gaze averted away from Henry as he felt tears coming to his eyes. The thought of the kiss with Richie was still fresh in his mind, so the cruel words hit him like a bullet. Henry was so close that he noticed and moved his hand from the smaller boys hair to his chin. He knew the younger male's spirit was breaking. "You know, that is the exact reason why I found you. Your dear friend Richie helped me out."  
  
Something primal snapped in Eddie as brought up his leg and kneed Henry hard in the back. The blinding tears ran freely down his cheeks, mixing in with the rain. "SHUT THE FUCK UP! Richie would never do anything like that, ever!"  
  
Henry laughed at him in response. "If that's true, then how do I know you come here every Thursday at 4:00 PM? He told me he couldn't associate with a fag like you anymore."  
  
Eddie felt the hope drain from his body as Henry's words dawned on him. His mind began replaying the scene from yesterday. Richie dancing with him, kissing him, and then pulling away with a disappointed look on his handsome face. As he tried to get away, Eddie had reminded him about meeting at the Quarry at the usual time, which was just around the time Henry stated. 4:00 PM.  
  
His thoughts were interrupted by a crushing blow that forced his head to bounce of the ground.  Henry was above him, saying something, but all he could hear was the buzzing in his ears. The edges of the world began to close in on him going completely black.  
  
His vision cleared when he felt pairs of legs stomping on his stomach and his chest, knocking the wind out of his body. Once they seized, he felt his body being dragged upwards so that he was on his knees. The rocks scraped his skin on the way up.  
  
"Belch, Vic, go keep watch. Make sure to tell me if you see someone headed this way." The other two males didn't even bother to ask why and just did what they were told.  
  
Henry watched them walk away, and once he felt like they were far away enough, he spoke. "Tell you what, Kaspbrak. You can make all of this go away, for a price." Henry's hand moved to clasp onto his belt loosening the leather strap. Roughly, Henry shoved Eddie back into the ground causing the rocks to scratch Eddie's back.  
  
Eddie grunted in pain when he felt fingers underneath the waistband of his shorts. "I am going to take away all of your dignity, Kaspbrak. Everyone is going to see you for the faggot that you are after this."  
  
Eddie's body began to jerk, and he grabbed onto rocks that were arm's length away desperately trying to pull his way out of the other man's hold.  
  
"Hell, _you'll probably like it. Kaspbrak_."  
  
The asthmatic was wheezing so hard that he started to become light headed. Weakly, his hand reached out and ended up gripping onto a large rock. It fell out of its firm place in the mud and Eddie wrapped his fingers around it tightly. Without hesitation, he smacked it into Henry Bower's face using the rest of his strength. When Henry stumbled off of him, the bottom of  Eddie’s converse shoe met his nose, breaking it even further.  
  
Eddie scrambled to get away, crawling on his knees ignoring his body's cries of misery. He made it back onto his feet but fell back down; his body was so sore and heavy that his legs were unable to carry him. Sobs wracked through his entire form as more tears streaked down his cheeks. He was helpless, and there was no chance of him getting away.  
  
Those unloving hands snagged onto his hair once again pulling so firmly that some of his hair was ripped from his skelp. "You should have taken the easy way out, faggot. Now I am really going to fucking kill you !" Henry spat angrily, dragging Eddie into the Quarry's waters.  
  
Everything happened too quickly, giving Eddie no time to grasp what was about to occur. Upon making contact with the icy water, Eddie gasped. It jabbed Eddie's skin like glass, forcing him howl out in pain. Henry pushed him to lay down in the shallow end, completely submerging him in the water. He choked on a scream that threatened to come out when the water penetrated the wound on his thigh. The body on top of him weighed him down, making it impossible to come up for much-needed air. He tried to hold his breath but felt Henry grab onto his thigh to hold him down, digging his sharp fingernails into the injury. His mouth opened subconsciously to let out a yell, but the water muffled his plea. Involuntarily, he began to breathe in the liquid, burning his throat like hot lava.  
  
Everything around him began spinning, as the water started to overtake his body completely. He felt any resistance he had before come to an abrupt halt and his body went numb.  
  
Henry was about to dunk his head back down again for good measure when he heard Belch scream, "We gotta run! Someone is coming, Henry!"  
  
Henry grit his teeth together as he looked back down at the boy beneath him. "So long, faggot." He dropped the boy's face again in the water before sprinting off towards his vehicle.

* * *

  
It was now 5:30 PM and Beverly was laying in her bed waiting for 7:00 PM to finally roll around. Her thoughts consumed her to the point where she could hardly think about anything other than Eddie and Richie. Eddie was acting stranger than usual, exhibiting much more risky behaviors. Richie was quieter today than he had been all year, and no one even had to beep him to get to that point. He didn't try to joke around to get his way out of trouble. Instead, he avoided them all day long, which was not in Richie's character at all.  
  
Earlier that day it sounded like a good idea that she would be the one to convince Richie to go to Eddie's house. She was up for the task and knew that she could get Richie to slip some information to her, at least. The confidence she once had became dread when Richie ditched the classes he had with the other Losers. He didn't even try to cover his tracks with excuses.  
  
Worst of all, Richie didn't want to be around Eddie, which was undoubtedly a sign of the apocalypse. Richie hardly went anywhere without the other boy. Everyone noticed they were their best selves when in the presence of the other. In a way, Beverly thought they made each other better. By sparing the piece of them the other didn't possess, they became a whole person.    
  
For Richie, he was always genuinely happy, leaving that fake facade at home for another day. Richie came up with the funniest jokes when the other man was around, and although Eddie would act like it didn't phase him, he eventually would begin shrieking with deep laughter.  Eddie's giggles must have been contagious to Richie because he would throw his head back and laugh right along with him, smiling as tears sat on the edge of their eyes.  
  
In Eddie's case, Richie made him more secure with himself. Eddie was usually very uptight about germs, getting hurt or in trouble.  The thought alone would have his nerves shot, and when he began thinking of the possible outcomes, he became inconsolable. All of that faded away when he was with Richie. He let himself live for the moment, soaking up all the carefree habits that everyone else took for granted.  
  
Beverly exhaled deeply.  She had no idea had to fix what was wrong with two of her closest friends, and it bothered her to no end. She rose out of bed and bent down to look into the container she had under her bed. She pulled open the drawer and caught sight of the large mason jar filled with light green buds mixed with small hints of browns and purple hues. She looked past it to see a bottle of scotch that was half full and a carton of cigarettes. Richie's favorite too, Marlboro Reds.  
  
Beverly's lips formed a thick line. Just sitting there doing nothing made her angsty. The fear of the unknown bothered her to no end. She needed answers, and she wanted them now. Right now.  
  
She ran out of her room and put on her black raincoat, sliding it over her red long sleeve shirt. She zipped it up with ease and grabbed her polka dotted umbrella from its place by the front door. "I have to go. I'll be Richie's house!"

  
As she got outside, she opened the device to shield her from the rain pouring out of the sky. This kind of weather usually made her feel uplifted and free because the water washed away the old and made way for the new, rejuvenating the earth. However, today the rain felt unforgiving and relentless. The wind blew garbage out of the dumpsters and the leafs off of the trees, leaving Derry a desolate trash-filled wasteland. Thunder roared, and then his brother flashed white in the sky, making any stray animals run and hide for cover.  
  
In a hurry to get out of the terrible weather, Beverly ran straight to Richie's house. Conveniently, it was only located a block away from her own. Once she reached the door, she twisted the knob and opened it. Richie's parents were still away at this usual time, and Richie wouldn't be able to hear the knock over his blaring music.  
  
She ran up the stairs and saw that Richie's door was not closed, so she walked right in. Richie was sprawled out on his small twin size bed, wearing only his jeans that hung low on his hips. He stared at her in utter shock before looking towards the bathroom door.  
  
"What the fuck are you doing here, Bev? I am kinda in the middle of something."  
  
Beverly's eyes were laced with curiosity, so she stomped over to the bathroom and opened the door. She was taken aback by the sight of Samantha pulling her pants back over her hips in frustration. Samantha let out a surprised yelp and attempted to shut the door, but Beverly placed her boot in the crack of the door stopping her in her tracks. Then she grabbed onto the handle and pulled the door the opposite direction so that Samantha couldn’t crush her foot.  
  
"Really Richie!?!" Beverly shouted, "We are all worried about you, so I come over to see that you're still with your supposed ex-girlfriend!? The one who talked shit about us all? You might as well have slept with Gretta Keene!"  
Samantha opened the door causing Beverly to lose her balance. Their faces were unbearably close now as Samantha laughed, "Oh, you came over for a turn, whore? Sorry to tell you, but he is _damaged goods_. You might as well crawl back to your fat ass boyfriend."  
  
Beverly slammed a fist into Samantha's face with enough force to push her back into the bathroom. The other girl lunged for Beverly, reaching out to pull her hair. But she never reached her.  
  
Richie's face flushed red with embarrassment and fury. He shot out of bed and stepped in front of Beverly. He grabbed onto Samantha's wrist when she tried to hit Beverly again. He had never wanted to slap a woman before, but he was so close he could almost feel it. "Fuck you! Get out of my house, now. Before I let her show you the way out." Beverly's body shook from the violent fit of rage.  
  
Samantha glared at him before pulling her arm out of his grip. She was so unfazed by Richie's threat that she stopped to look at the watch on her wrist then smirked. "It's my time to leave anyway. Richie, _I hope you can at least get it up for Beverly_. She looks like she is going through dick withdraws."  
  
Beverly was confused, but she turned her head towards Richie. The look of humiliation took over his features, and he averted his eyes to the floor in shame. Beverly growled as she slung her body over Richie's and slugged Samantha once more on the back of the head, "Leave before I break your fucking face, bitch!" The other girl clutched her head in pain and ran out of the room, not stopping until she was safely outside.  
  
"That's right," Beverly screamed, "You better fucking run! Run for your damn life!"  
  
Richie ran a hand through his hair and sat next to the window seal. He looked over to Beverly, who was staring daggers at him. "Before you start, can I please have a cigarette?" The brokenness in his voice caught Beverly off guard.  
  
"You have to tell me everything that's going on. Do that, and they are all yours."  
  
Richie only nodded, and she threw her pack of cigarettes at him. With a trembling hand, Richie grabbed one and lighted it immediately. He drew it up to his lips and took a long drag; the nicotine went through his lungs calming him down instantly.  
  
"You heard what was wrong, Bev. She was so repulsive I couldn't get my dick up. Are you happy now?"  
  
"I could care less about that, Richie! I need to know why you wouldn't eat lunch with us today and what about what happened between you and Eddie? There is something wrong with both of you! How can you expect us to help you if you don't let us?"  
  
Richie flinched when the other boy's name was mentioned, and Beverly's words penetrated his heart like knives. _'How do you expect us to help you if you don't let us?'_ It was too similar to what he had told Eddie, but now the shoe was on the other foot. Fuck. Eddie was right. He was a hypocrite.  
  
Most of all, he was an absolute fool.  
  
He placed his hand over his eyes as memories of the day before came rushing back to him. The fear he felt looking for the younger male and the relief when he found him. The way they danced around the room causing Eddie to smile through teary eyes. The kiss that not only set his body on fire but also ignited the fiery passion he had for Eddie all along. Richie fucked it all up like he did everything else. To add insult to injury, he ran off before he could be held accountable for his actions. Even going as far to ensure Eddie he would meet him today, but then went and tried to fuck Samantha instead. Karma was a bitch though that always managed to get her revenge. All he could think about when he was with her was Eddie’s crying face and the hurt in his voice. It was a boner killer.  
  
Beverly stared at Richie. Tears unwillingly filled his eyes as the thoughts of Eddie overpowered him. His mouth opened and he tried to speak, but nothing but whines of agony came out. Before he could say anything, Beverly grabbed his cigarette and threw it out the window. With that hazard out of the way, she enveloped him in a bone-crushing hug. Richie bit down into his bottom lip in an attempt to keep his emotions at bay; he didn't want to break down. _Not now._  
  
"Richie, you're strong all the time. Please, let someone else be strong for you for a change. You can tell me anything. I'll never judge you."  
  
Hearing the amount of love and truthfulness in Beverly's voice obliterated all of his walls, and he shattered. He wept into the crook of Beverly's neck uncontrollably. He cried for all the mistakes he had made in the past couple of days and even sobbed for things that had happened past that. He hadn't been this emotional in a long time, but his body welcomed the change as more tears fell onto his freckled cheeks. He had needed this. For a long time, he had needed to release his pent-up frustration.  
  
Beverly was surprised by the intensity of Richie's cries. The amount of his sorrow caused tears to well up in her eyes too. She reached out to caress his hair, knowing all too well that it always seemed to soothe him. She could feel him calm down as he placed his arms around her waist, giving her a gentle hug.  
  
"I ruined everything, Bev. I single-handedly fucked up the friendship between Eddie and I.” Richie confessed as he wiped the evidence of him crying off of his face.  
  
“Richie, that’s ridiculous. Eddie absolutely adores you. Nothing you could do would ever change that.”  
  
The males brow tightened in apparent frustration. The one time he was releasing his emotions, and Beverly told him they weren’t valid. “Oh really? So his feelings haven’t changed even though I kissed him?”  
  
Beverly couldn’t help the smile spread onto her face, and Richie could only raise his eyebrow in question. “How is that not good news? You finally made a move on him, Richie!”  
  
“What the fuck are you talking about? Did Samantha rearrange your brain or something? He isn’t gay, and neither am I! So there weren't any moves made. I was stupid. I reached out and kissed him without thinking.”  
  
The smile on Beverly’s face was erased and her brows furrowed in confusion. “You really are blind, aren’t you Tozier?”  
  
Richie almost took offense to that before the redhead spoke again, “Were you looking at his eyes or his smile when you kissed him?”  
  
Richie blushed wildly as his heart began pumping rapidly in his chest. He knew the answer to that question, _but why the fuck did he?_  
  
“Both.” He answered shakily.  
  
“Since it was so ‘stupid’ it apparently meant nothing, right?”  
  
“No! I would never say that.” Richie retorted quickly. _Too quickly._  
  
Beverly grinned at him like a Cheshire cat and pressed her luck even further, “How would you feel if Eddie suddenly started dating someone? Perhaps a handsome man?”  
  
Richie had never thought about Eddie finding someone. Not because Eddie wasn’t attractive or desirable, because fuck, he was so damn beautiful. He just hadn’t thought about it because Eddie’s uncomfortable around most people. But, he forced himself to entertain Beverly’s idea. Based off of his own experience in dating, Richie knew that there were many things you had to do.  
  
The most basic one was kissing. He had kissed Eddie only yesterday and could still feel sparks on his lips. Just the thought of someone else causing Eddie to feel that way made his stomach boil like a cauldron filled with jealousy and anger. The next thing most couples did was make out, which he had done many times with women. They would moan and writhe in a haze of pleasure beneath him as his hands roamed their bodies and touched their-. His body stiffened. Fuck, he couldn’t even think of someone else touching Eddie that way. How the hell could anyone be deserving enough for Eddie to lower his guard like that?  It felt fucking dirty and wrong just thinking about it. But his thoughts continued, now going into overdrive. He had thought about Eddie’s body before. The way his shorts fit hugged his body, more specifically, his hips and his ass. He remembered the muscles in Eddie’s back that became prominent when he would take off his shirt after track practice. Reality hit him like a ton of bricks.

  
_What if other people looked at Eddie the way I do?_  
  
Richie was snapped out of his thoughts when a pair of hands waved in front of him. “Woah! You’re practically steaming with envy. Please, don’t have a brain aneurysm over there Rich!”  
  
“So what if I am a little envious. That doesn’t change anything.”  
  
Beverly’s tone became more serious, “What if he dated someone and they broke his heart, how would you feel then?”  
  
Richie didn’t have to think before saying, “I would beat the shit out of anyone who dared to look at him the wrong way. So, I'd probably go to jail for attempted murder if someone hurt Eddie like that. Now, what exactly is your point?” He shook his hands up in the air, “Yeah, I care about Eddie but, that doesn’t mean we would ever be together. I’m not even gay.”  
  
“You don’t have to be gay to be in love with Eddie, Richie. There is such a thing as being open to love, despite a person's gender. You could be a bi-sexual.” Beverly relayed back to the curly-headed man.  
  
Fuck. That is so true. “Okay, _Molly Ringwald_ . Who died and made you Cupid?” He tried to change the subject.  
  
Beverly flipped him off, “I’ve always been an expert on love. I’d like to know what you have done with the real Richie? The Richie I know wouldn’t be ashamed to admit his real feelings. Especially for Eddie Kaspbrak.”  
  
Richie scowled at her and started smoking another cigarette. “Fine. I like Eddie. _More than a friend_ . Now, are you happy?”  
  
“Yes!” Beverly exclaimed as she pulled Richie in for another embrace. “You have to tell him how you feel!”  
  
Richie forgot to breathe while smoking and he choked, “ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?”  
  
“Fine. Let's make a deal. We won’t tell him until you are ready.”  
  
“ _We_?” Richie interjected. “There is no we, toots. You have a man. I am the one who needs to worry about this. You hear?”  
  
“Well, now that I know I might accidentally let something slip.”  
  
“You wouldn’t dare!” Richie reached over and tickled her hip, causing an eruption of laughter from her. She smacked his hand away as she ran out of his room and down the stairs.  
  
“I just might!” She reached the front door, but Richie was on her in an instant. Playfully, he picked her up and began shaking her. After a couple of minutes, he stopped and held her steady so she wouldn’t fall from the dizziness.  
  
“If you come with me to Eddie’s house and at least rekindle the friendship, I will take your secret to my deathbed. _Scouts honor_ !”  
  
Richie smirked at her as he grabbed his key from the table. “First off, you were never a fucking scout! So there is absolutely no honor in what you just said. Fuck, this was your plan all along, huh?” He watched as she shook her head in agreeance, “You’re a fucking sneak, Beverly.”  
  
"Shut up and drive to your _boyfriend's_ house," Beverly teased.


	10. I Adore You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers! I am back again, I promised that the next two chapters will explain everything. I still plan to keep my promise, so the next chapter will be longer than this one. As always, if you find any mistakes let me know! Kudos and comments are nice, but not expected.

  **Chapter 9: I Adore You**

  
Bill sat on the cold tile flooring of the school while engrossed in a large paperback novel. The cover was flawed, having rips and wrinkles along the edges and around its binding. On the inside, the pages were crumpled making them elicit a sound when he turned one. Bill seemed unfazed by the condition of the book as he effortlessly read the text aloud, only stopping to prevent himself from stuttering. The redheaded male, seated directly next to him, gently slapped Bill's knee as a way to encourage him to continue reading. Bill smirked and placed his thumb on the page he was on and pulled the book closed with his remaining fingers.  
  
Bill heard Stan huff in protest, but his attitude shifted when the auburn-haired teen slung his arm around him, pulling their bodies closer together. Bill met Stan's stare and they both grinned wildly at each other. Stan's cheeks became blotched with a red hue, and Bill would have taken it as a compliment had they just not gotten out of baseball practice.  
  
"I know you're worried about Eddie, S-Stan." Bill caressed Stan's shoulder lovingly, "We all are, but just know he is gonna be okay. _We're going to make him okay again_."  
  
Stan didn't respond. He was too caught up trying to control the butterflies dancing around in his stomach. He practically melted into Bill's arms and he took advantage of the moment, nuzzeling his head into shoulder closest to him. The smell of natural earthy tones consumed him when Bill rested his head on Stan's own.  
  
The moment came to a screeching halt when Ben exited the classroom, almost hitting them with the door. Stan and Bill pulled apart from each other and immediately jumped to their feet. Ben's eyebrows deepened, and an all-knowing smile became plastered on his face. As they exited the school, Stan opened up his umbrella to avoid getting his hair drenched by the rain showing them. They walked past the football field just as Mike was coming out carrying heavy bags in tow.  
  
"They cancel your practice because of the rain too?"  
  
"Yes. It is a good thing too because it is disgustingly muddy out here," came from Stan as he pulled his umbrella back from Bill, who was trying to force his way underneath it.  
  
Ben chuckled to himself as he watched them eventually compromise, huddling together under the one person umbrella.  
  
The rain beat down upon them as they walked towards Mike's truck. It was much larger than Richie's and was a four-seater given to him by his Grandfather. Ben took the passenger seat while Stan and Bill sat in the back, laughing about only god know what.  
  
Mike began to drive towards Eddie's house slowly as to avoid the potential dangers of being on the road during the storm.  
Bill looked out of the window, watching as the rain destroyed everything in its path. Then the laughs ceased, completely dying on his tongue.  
  
Stan sensed the tension that began to flood the car and looked at Bill questioningly. Bill's fists clenched and he was digging his nails into his palms. His baby blue eyes squinted under the pressure of his brow that was now forming stress lines. Bill's foot bounced against the truck's floorboard, which was surely a sign that something was wrong.  
  
"What's wrong, Bill?" Stan asked.  
  
"I left S-Silver yesterday, and now it's raining."  
  
"Well, where did you leave it?" Mike asked, "We can go get it."  
  
"I left it in the Q-Quarry."  
  
"Shit! The Quarry always floods during the rain, especially like this!" Ben added, "We better hurry!"  
  
"Say no more!" Mike stepped on the gas and accelerated towards the Quarry being as fast and safe as possible. His windshield wipers were in high gear, as they swiveled back and forth clearing Mike's vision for only a few seconds. He sat up in his seat as he pulled a U-turn, now driving in the direction of the Quarry.  
  
Stan tightened his seatbelt and grasped onto it like a life preserver. Mike had never driven this fast, and it was intimidating as hell. He was just about to scream for Mike to slow down when he looked over at Bill, who was holding onto trucks grip and laughing wildly. With everything going on with Eddie and Richie, Bill had been incredibly stressed, so Stan welcomed the change in his crushes demeanor. His lips curved into a smile as he stared at him. His heart started to beat harder against his rib cage, but this time it wasn't because of the fear of getting into an accident; he was head over heels for Bill.  
  
They reached the Quarry in record-breaking time. Stan almost wanted to kiss the ground in relief that they had lived through the whole ordeal. Almost.  
  
"Where did you leave Silver, Bill?" Mike asked pulling the hood of his hoodie over his head.  
  
Bill squinted as he scanned the area. The sky was almost pitch black, and rain was barreling down on them, making it difficult to see. The water was rapidly accumulating causing the Quarry's waters to become deeper in depth. To avoid slipping in the mud, he began to slowly walk in the direction where he believed he left the bike. He moved branches from the trees blocking their path when all of a sudden they met eyes with Victor, who had appeared to be hiding.  
  
The boys weren't expecting to see anyone, so it started the majority of the four Losers. Stan brought his hand up to his chest preventing his heart from jumping out. Ben stumbled backward but still stared at Vic with a scowl of defiance. Bill's mouth fell open as he let out a gawk of disbelief. Mike was the only one to put arms over his chest. He attempted to glare at Vic, but it came out as a look of confusion. Despite his impressive stature, Mike was too sweet to be seen as intimidating.  
  
Yet, Vic's eyes widened as he looked towards the Quarry's waters and then back at them, looking like a child with his hand stuck in the cookie jar. His body recoiled in terror leaving Stan, Bill, and Ben confused. Mike was unfazed, only following Vic's gaze to see Henry Bower's in the Quarry's waters.  
  
"What the hell is going on?" Mike asked no one in particular, his eyes glued to the scene unfolding in front of him. His voice was dangerously low but lethal enough to make Victor cower in fear. The other three males turned their heads to see what Mike was staring at and gasped.  
  
Victor saw that the Losers were distracted, so he began to run away hollering, "Belch, Henry! We got company."  
  
The minute Henry Bower's flew from the water they saw something had remained, but the water conflicted with their vision. They began to walk more quickly towards the lake anticipating the worst. Their worst fears were brought to life once they were at the water's edge; a silhouette of a body became visible.  
  
_And it wasn't moving._  
  
Dread pooled into their bellies causing them to become more reckless. They sprinted into the icy water as if their lives depended on it; welcoming the pins and needles that electrified their bodies. Mike, being the fastest out of them all, made it into the water first. He felt a lump in his throat arise when he saw those unmistakable shorts and fanny pack on the person's waist. This fueled his body to move faster; battling against the current more aggressively than before. Once he reached him, he wasted no time hauling him up into the air.  
  
The other boys, who were a short distance away from Mike, felt their hearts sink when Mike pulled Eddie out of the water. His body was so limp that even Mike struggled to lift up him. Usually, he could pick up Eddie like a sack of potatoes, so it was unsettling that he now felt so heavy.  
  
Mike ran back to the rocks as quickly as he could ignoring the pleading looks from Stan and Bill. His muscular legs felt like jello by the time he laid Eddie down onto the ground. Being as gentle as Mike could, he tapped Eddie's cheeks together in his hands.  
  
"Wake up, Eddie," Mike's voice hitched. " _Please_."  
  
Eddie's body didn't even flinch as the light taps on his cheek became harsher slaps.  Mike was overwhelmed, to say the least. Panic painted his face when he noticed that Eddie's lips were blue and his skin was as white as a sheet. Quickly, he put his head up to the boy's nose and looked down his chest to check if he was breathing. He put one hand over Eddie's upper stomach and then placed the other one on top, intertwining his fingers together. He pushed his hands down hard only stopping to give Eddie two rescue breaths.  
  
Bill dissolved into tears. His hands violently shook as he tried to reach out for Stan to hold him steady. The emotional turmoil going through him caused his stutter to become more prominent, "F-f-f-fuck! E-E-Ed-die!"  
  
Stan watched the scene unravel in horror. Eddie looked like he was dead. His face was covered in blood, and now Mike giving him chest compressions hard enough to break his ribs. He averted his gaze, unable to handle the feelings coursing through him. But when he heard Bill's weeps he felt his legs give out beneath him. Wails of grief came out like out blood-curdling screams. "Oh no. No. _No. No_!"  
  
Ben only saw red as he ran after Henry and his goons. He began throwing large rocks at him screaming, "Fuck you! Pieces of shit!" Even as they jumped into their vehicle, Ben stayed on their tracks. In a rage of fury, he grabbed one more rock and chucked it at their car, obliterating the back window right as they pulled away. Tears clouded Ben's sight. Out of instinct, he brought his hand up to wipe his eyes clear, but he was crying faster than he could wipe.  
  
After a relatively powerful push, Eddie began vomiting up the water that had filled his chest. The taste of the copper was replaced with a mixture of water and whatever contents were in his stomach. It burned all the way up his throat as it violently expelled from his body, causing his body to lurch irrepressibly. He struggled to catch his breath as he choked on strangled cries.

_Everything hurt. So bad._  
  
Mike rolled him over onto his side to prevent him from choking and patted his back. Bill couldn't contain his relief and sank to his knees immediately grabbing onto Stan and pulling him into a tight embrace.  
  
"It's okay, S-Stan! E-Eddie's going to be o-okay!"  
  
Stan looked up to see Eddie puking and grimaced. While it was absolutely disgusting, he couldn't help the smile that spread on his face. All that mattered was that Eddie was alive to be able to have bodily functions at all. He watched as Mike picked the asthmatic up bridal style, grabbing onto Eddie's shoulder and thigh for leverage.  
  
Meanwhile, Eddie was fighting between going in and out of consciousness. The last thing he could remember was Henry holding him underwater as he fought to intake air. All he could hear was Henry's voice in the back of his head saying, _"Your dear friend Richie helped me out,"_ over and over again, as if it was stuck on repeat. The only thing loud enough to drown it out was the sound of a loud, piercing cry that could have broken the atmosphere. Right about the same time he he felt a boiling sharp pain in his leg.  
  
Their euphoria of relief was interrupted when Eddie's body tensed up and he screamed out in agony causing Mike to loosen his grip. Eddie's cry was so raw that it tugged at their own heartstrings and they grimaced when his pain shot through them.  
  
Stan's eyes searched frantically for the cause of the outbreak and stopped on the trail of blood beginning to pour down Eddie's leg. "Fuck! His thigh is bleeding really really bad!"  
  
Bill wasted no time pulling his sweater off and handing it to Stan, who took it without hesitation.  
  
Mike readjusted his arm so that it was placed under Eddie's knee. "Stan, you gotta wrap that around where it's bleeding. Wrap it tight, okay?"  
  
Stan's hands began to tremble as he tightened his grip on Bill's sweater. If the situation weren't dire, he would have put up a very convincing argument. His first point would have been, _'Why me?'_ Followed by, _'This is unsanitary.'_  
  
But, none of it even felt valid.

Because this was Eddie.  
  
He inhaled deeply as he put the material under Eddie. He brought the sleeves up over the front of his thigh and released the breath he was holding. Quickly, he shut his eyes as he tugged the material together tightly, causing Eddie to bellow out in intense pain once again.  
  
Stan grit his teeth when he knotted the material together hearing the low whines rip through Eddie's body.  
  
"We gotta him to a hospital!"  
  
"N-no, Mike. W-we can't-"  
  
"What are you trying to suggest we do, Bill?"  
  
"They'll c-call his mom and Eddie's not going to want t-that. W-we can take him back to his house and t-take care of him."  
  
"Do you know how crazy that sounds!? Who cares if they call his mom, all that matters is that he gets treatment _so he can live_ !"  
  
"Look, you guys, this is no time to argue! Let's just go to Eddie's so we can get him warm and then we will figure out everything from there. Okay?" Ben intervened before the debate became more heated.  
  
They sighed in unison and made their way back to the truck exchanging no words. The Losers sat in the same spots as before, except Eddie was sprawled out over Bill and Stan. Bill brushed the wet hair off of his forehead and locked some of the strands behind his ear.  
  
Eddie groaned when Bill continued to run his fingers through Eddie's hair. The numbness in his body was replaced when unbearable pain crashed down on him, causing him to emit a low hiss from his mouth. He needed to see what was around him, but there was a substantial weight on his eyes that he couldn't fight. He admitted defeat and kept them closed. He could sense presences around him.  Sure, he didn't want to see the ADHD stricken teen this morning, but he wished he could have gone back in time and taken it all back. He needed one of them to be Richie because when he was around that meant he was safe. Until he heard it again.  
  
Vile words hit him like electricity sending a shiver down his spine, _"Your dear friend Richie helped me out."_  
  
Moments he had shared with the boy he adored flashed through his head like a camera's film, one after another in a still image. A younger version of Richie came first. He was equipped with his broken glasses fixed with tape, a Hawaiian button-up shirt, and that crooked grin.  It was replaced with wide brown eyes magnified twice their regular size and he could practically feel Richie's hands shaking his face.  
  
The picture fast-forwarded years later. Richie had gone through his growth spurt and puberty had been very kind to him. His teeth were immaculate; straightened and pearly white. Perks of having a dentist in the family. And the only benefit of having Mr. Tozier as a father. The large dorky glasses were replaced with contacts, which had become much more modern in Derry. Richie's hair remained unruly, wild, and free. It sprawled out in every direction. The picture displayed Richie frozen in a ridiculous pose pretending to be one of the manikins at a department store and his grin was a mile long. He could specifically remember why they were there that day.

* * *

  
_"Eds, once I get that guitar I am going to start a band! I'll be like David Bowie or Kurt Cobain, just you watch and see! Girls will be lining up around the block to take a trip on this willy.” Richie shouted too loudly and made an inappropriate gesture to his private area._  
  
_"First off, that is fucking disgusting. Secondly, the only thing girls would line up to see is you being euthanized like the horn dog you are.” Eddie didn’t let it go at that as a thought entered his mind, “Besides, you already have an instrument."_  
  
_Richie raised an eyebrow, but Eddie continued, "Your mouth literally spews out nothing but hot air and noise twenty-four hours a day."_  
  
_Richie only laughed, "Aww, Eds! Are you trying to tell me that my voice is beautiful?" He playfully pinched Eddie's cheek only to have his hand slapped away._  
  
_"Yes, it's so beautiful," Eddie oozed sarcastically. "So beautiful in fact that you cause all of the stray animals in Derry to howl at night. You blend in so well with them too. I can see your name in lights now." Eddie pointed at a blank billboard sign and expanded his hands over it for dramatic effect. "Richie: The Walking Trashmouth! "_  
  
_Richie snorted and shook his head with newfound determination, "If only you knew what this mouth could do. Just ask your mother, last night I had her screaming-”_  
  
_“Beep Beep Richie!” Eddie scowled at the other teens joke. “Stop talking about my mother.”_  
  
_“Alright, Eds. I’ll prove it to you that I have the voice of a fucking angel.."_  
  
_Eddie's eyes widened, and he began to walk faster, knowing Richie was up to something. He couldn’t get away quick enough._  
  
_"_ **_Do you mind if I adore you, For as long as it will take_ ** _?" Richie sang loudly to Eddie as he took long strides to catch up to the shorter male.  Before Eddie could run Richie slung his arm around Eddie's shoulder and his voice elevated even more, "_ **_Do you mind if I adore you,_ ** ****__  
**_every moment I'm awake_ ** _? Ohhhh~! I adore you, Eds!"_  
  
People were now stopping and staring at the duo with grotesque expressions. Eddie was so embarrassed that he tried to bury himself in his baseball cap, concealing his face from onlookers. "Richie, if you don't let me go and shut the fuck up this instant you aren't going to live to see the day you play any instrument."

_Despite what he said, a smile spread on his lips and his cheeks radiated a bright shade of pink. Even way back then, part of him wanted Richie’s words to be true._

* * *

  
That moment faded and was replaced by the serious look on Richie's face yesterday after they kissed, shame littered deep in his eyes. Then it all disappeared.  
  
_"Your dear friend Richie helped me out."_  
  
He could feel moisture on his cheeks, and his chest tightened as he began to breathe more rapidly.  
  
Richie had told Bowers exactly where to find him.  
  
Nothing made sense. Richie had him beaten, bruised, and almost-  
  
Visions swam through his head once more, but they were all of Henry Bowers. Laughing at him as he punched and kicked him mercilessly. The snide smile on his face as Eddie gasped for air. And those hands under the waistband of his shorts, trying to go lower.  
  
_"I am going to take away all of your dignity, Kaspbrak. Everyone is going to see you for the faggot that you are after this."_  
  
A dim light bulb went off in his head effectively shattering what was left of his heart;   ** _Richie hated him._**  
  
His breaths became full on hyperventilating in a matter of seconds. Strong hands embraced him so closely that he could feel the person's body heat seeping into him. He thrashed against the person's grip, but he was too weak to get away. Eddie's body shook like a leaf and the world was beginning to spin.  
  
All he could focus on was what he felt at the moment; the emptiness in his chest. The thought that Richie would do something like that hurt more than any physical wounds he had suffered  in his seventeen years of living. It even hurt more than his mother’s lies, about him being sick. But what was worse was that he still loved Richie with all of his being.

"R-R-Rich-h-h-ie?" Eddie stammered out.

Everything was slipping away slowly like water going down the drain, and his time being conscious was running out. He could feel it and it shook him to the core that this may be the last time he opened his eyes. A pang of bravery motivated him to move his hand to clasp the one clutching his arm.  
  
Bill looked down at him grief-stricken and then looked to Stan, doubt hidden behind his baby blue eyes. Stan bit into his fist to avoid crying out again, but slowly nodded his head towards Bill. It was obvious between the other Losers that Eddie had always felt closest to Richie meaning that was probably the only person Eddie wanted.   
  
Bill intertwined his fingers with Eddie's and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “I’m h-here.”

Eddie heard the response, but suddenly, he didn't know what to say. There were too many things he wanted to tell Richie. He wanted to ask why he turned his back on him and tell him just how badly it hurt. He wanted to apologize for their fight and beg to have his best friend back. Most of all, he wanted to finally tell the truth.

Bill’s lips quivered unsteadily when Eddie began to cry out through chattering teeth, " _R-Rich, I a-adore you._ " His fragile voice trailed off and his grip on Bill’s hand loosened before passing out once more. 


	11. There May Not Be Another One Like This

**Chapter 10: There May Not Be Another One Like This**

The sound of screeching brakes resonated down Eddie's street as Mike pulled up to the Kaspbrak residence. Mike flew from the driver's side and hauled Eddie off Stan and Bill, hastily carrying him inside with Ben right on his heels. Mud flocked into the once spotless house, leaving marks on the carpet and all the way up the wooden staircase. Not that they cared or even noticed, they were preoccupied upstairs fumbling to get Eddie’s wet clothes off his body.

Stan and Bill ran in behind them, leaving their shoes by the front door as to not ruin the floor further. Stan’s face plummeted as he watched Bill run up the stairs, prepared and ready to embrace whatever task was asked of him, like always. Even when they were mere children, Bill was the one to run after Pennywise, venturing off by himself in those wretched sewers. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Stan was petrified with each step he took, making him a prime candidate in the clown’s book. Once he was split up from the group, he ended up face to face with _It_ in the worst way possible. He vaguely remembered the feel of teeth sinking into his skin, the blood dripping down his face, and the fear of death rushing through his body.

Just like that time, he was cemented in place unable to move from the comfort of the bland living room. He wanted to be brave and comfort Eddie; helping in any way he could, but he wasn't like Mike, Bill, or Ben. He just couldn’t will himself to run up those stairs, because he would have to see Eddie in his most vulnerable state.

But doing _nothing_ just didn’t sit well either. After all, Eddie had been one of his best friends for years. He owed it to the smaller man to at least do something. With newly found drive Stan ran into the kitchen and grabbed a scrubber, soap, and disinfectant. He worked the scrubber into the carpet, watching as the mud began to fade away. By the time he finished cleaning, no evidence of soil had remained, and the carpet was cleaner than before. Even with that in mind, he continued to work the device deeper into the carpet, watching as it just sprang back to life moments later. He was so engrossed with the rug and worrying about Eddie that he didn't notice the door opening.

“The party has arrived! We come with the gift of Mary Jane, nude magazines, and the world's finest--” Richie stopped, looking down at Stan. The older teen let out a guttural laugh, “Holy shit, what happened to your hair, Stanley?”

Stan didn’t look at the older male as he ran a hand through his hair, feeling that the texture had become frizzy and unmanageable. Becoming increasingly more agitated by the minute at Richie’s antics, he scrubbed the carpet harder and clenched his jaw.

To his dismay, Richie continued even further, oblivious to what was going on upstairs. “Damn, nothing can keep Stan _the fucking man_ from his pursuing his passion of ridding the earth from filth.” He pretended to put a microphone up to Stan’s face putting on his best broadcaster voice, “Just how do you do it, even on such a bad hair day?”

That was all the fuel Stan could handle before he became engulfed with anger. In an instant Stan stood up, his eyes were dark and unforgiving. “God damnit, Richie! You never know when to shut the fuck up!”

Richie felt all the blood drain from his face at the outburst. Stan had never yelled at him. At least, not with so much vigor and disgust. He recoiled immediately, goosebumps began blossoming on his skin, and the hair on the back of his neck stood up. The tension in the air became thicker causing dread to pool up in his gut. “Where is everyone?” He asked, swallowing a lump in his throat.

When Stan refused to meet his gaze, he felt physically ill. So many things could have happened, after all, there were five missing members of the Losers club not accounted for. But all the scenarios running through his head were centered around his best friend. Richie in took a shaky breath, “Where’s Eds?”

Stan flinched at the mention of Eddie's nickname, but the tone of Richie’s voice was more unsettling. It was so vulnerable and raw, completely unlike anything he thought his friend was capable of. Just thinking about it made him realize just how similar it was to Eddie’s when he told Bill, “ _R-Rich, I a-adore you_." 

_Fuck._

In that second, the weight of the world came crashing down on Stan. The truth of the matter was that this wasn’t a figment of his imagination or an illusion caused by a killer clown; this was real, and they couldn’t just push their fears aside to make it go away.

He abandoned the little composure he had left, sobs escaped his trembling lips. Beverly moved forward, taking the male into her arms the moment he fell apart. He reciprocated, wrapping his arms around her smaller frame. The sound of his crying became muffled when he buried his face into the crook of her neck. Richie stared at them wide eyed.

The redhead began to rub soothing circles on his back, using the tips of her fingernails. "Stan, what's going on?"

Richie’s stomach began to churn uncomfortably as he listened closely, anticipating Stan to answer. After a couple of moments of pure silence, he began to tap the top of his boot into the carpet below. He was accustomed to rushing into everything that having to wait for even a couple of minutes was torturous. Hearing commotion upstairs was all the fuel he needed to release his inner bull in the china cabinet that was Eddie’s house.

He darted past Stan and Beverly, stepping over two to three stairs at a time. Once he reached the top, he watched as Bill stepped out of Eddie’s room, clutching his crimson-stained sweater. His mind was on autopilot, and finding Eddie was his primary mission in life. At least, right now it was.

Richie stepped forward, eyes never leaving the material in Bill’s hands, “What the fuck is that?” When he didn’t get an answer, he gripped onto Bill’s shoulders, undoubtedly trying to get his attention, but it doubled as a way of grounding himself. “Bill. Hey!” When baby blue eyes met his own, he continued, “What the fuck happened man? What’s going on? Where’s Eddie?” Richie heard himself ask, clear as day.

To Bill, it wasn’t. All the questions spewed from Richie’s mouth so quickly that they became jumbled together. It took a minute for Bill to decipher what the other had even said, and he silently wished he ignored Richie all together, because now all he could hear was, “ _Where’s Eddie?_ ”

Bill wanted to avoid the other man’s gaze, but those dark eyes filled with worry and fear penetrated the depths of his soul. As he stared at Richie, he felt his eyes welling up with tears. “D-don't go in there, R-Rich. Eddie.... H-He got j-jumped."

Richie's heart beat rapidly in his chest, threatening to burst through his body at any moment. He had ignored Eddie, pushed him away in the word way possible, and now he was hurt. The need to see the smaller male overcame him and he went to push past Bill, but the teen grabbed his arm tightly to prevent it.

"Don't. There's nothing w-w-we can do. You duh-duh-don’t want to see him. . . not like this." 

Another damaging characteristic of Richie Tozier was that he embodied _selective everything_. Like an ocean, he couldn’t be controlled. He did what he wanted, said what he wanted to say, and heard what he wanted to hear. His ears automatically tuned in to one thing, holding onto it like a dog with a bone. Meaning that all the other information was quickly forgotten.

"Nothing I can do?! I'm his best fucking friend! I’ve got to see him. I have to make sure he is all right." Bill's grip on Richie tightened, "What the fuck is wrong with you, Bill? Let me go! I am getting in that fucking room, and I'll drag your ass in there with me if I have to."

Bill’s eyebrows raised in surprise and his lips opened, almost speechless. The last time Richie had spoken to him with that tone of voice was back when they were kids searching for Pennywise at the Neibolt house when he was holding onto false hope for his only brother to be alive. _Georgie._ As the older sibling, Bill always felt like it was his duty to protect Georgie, just like he protected the group. But he had failed all those years ago. He lost that precious boy, and not a day went by that he didn’t miss that crooked smile or those bright eyes, staring at him as if he held the entire world in the palm of his hand. The day he realized he was an only child was blurred, all he could remember was going into that house, consequently putting all their lives at risk. Especially Stan’s, who would have been dead had it not been for the other four Losers. His hands balled into fists at the thought. Even now, five years later, he was still failing the group.

Remorse began coursing through his body, and suddenly he felt like he was clutching onto that yellow raincoat again. Except, he wasn’t. This time, the cause of his grief came in the form of Eddie’s hand clutching onto his own, slowly losing grip until he let go. And Bill couldn’t take it. No, he wouldn’t take it. Failure wasn’t an option, not now or ever again.

Bill grabbed fistfuls of Richie’s leather jacket, using it as leverage to shove him into the wall. "S-Stop it, Richie! Mike and B-Ben are in there doing everything they can for him. If we go in there, w-we'll only get in the way. "

Richie glared as the rage within him began to boil over uncontrollably, "Who the fuck made you the boss, Bill? Do you have any idea how scared Eddie must be in there right now? He needs _us_!”

_He needs me._

“So, I’m gonna get in there." Richie shoved Bill off him, and with all his might, he slammed Bill into Eddie’s door. The impact was so massive that a nearby picture fell off the wall, causing the glass to shatter upon the floor. They could hear Beverly's and Stan's footsteps running up the stairs, but they weren't quick enough to stop what was already in full swing.

"Do you have any idea how Eddie must be feeling right now?!” Bill screamed so quickly that he managed not to stutter, “Y-You, of all p-people, have no r-right to say that, R-Richie! You're not the one who had to f-feel the f-fear I felt when Mike pulled him out of the fucking wuh-water! You're not the one who w-watched h-helplessly as h-he was given CPR because he wasn't b-breathing!"

Bill knew he should stop, but the words projected out of his mouth like vomit, "Y-You're, not the one who had to hold him while he was crying, c-c-calling out for the one person he cares about the most!”

Richie's face scrunched up as silent sobs wracked his body, but Bill kept going, "Y-You have no right be-because you're the one who wanted nothing to do with him this morning so don’t you dare make me feel buh-buh-bad for l-looking out for him!" The veins in Bill’s neck were protruding, and fresh tears streamed down his face. His fists were balled at his sides, but he was ready to punch the daylights out of Richie.

As Stan made his way to the scene, he noticed just how furious the auburn-haired teen was. He rushed in between them, pushing Richie into Beverly. After he was securely in her arms, he stood in front of Bill’s shaking form.

Beverly grabbed onto Richie’s waist and pulled him further away from the auburn-haired teen. He breathed heavily and subconsciously his hands reached down to grip onto Beverly’s. Deep down, he knew Bill was justified in what he said. He was the one to ditch Eddie-

_Wait._

Richie’s mind accelerated rapidly taking in all of Bill’s words. Eddie had been beaten and he almost drowned. The universe stopped spinning, the stars aligned, and a light bulb went off in his head. Everything had come together, just like pieces to a puzzle.

_The Quarry._

He was supposed to meet Eddie at the Quarry, but he had ditched him, unable to face his mistake. So, in a desperate attempt to cover his own tracks, he brought Samantha to his house. He did so with the intention of proving to himself that he was straight, straighter than a fucking ruler. Yet, once the pair had made it back to the house all his confidence faded away, but he couldn't let her know that.  Before he lost his nerve, he closed the gap between them, kissing her hard. His eyes scrunched up tightly as his hands roamed her body, purposely avoiding the areas he knew she loved. Deep within the confines of his mind, he knew that all his actions should have been smooth and expertly executed. After all, he was a god damn professional in the love department, he had an award to prove it. Sure, he begged Beverly to make it, and she only complied because she was drunk, but that wasn't the point.

As he continued to press his lips to hers, thoughts of Eddie rushed upon him. Suddenly, he could feel Eddie's presence right beside him laughing at one of his ridiculous jokes. He would call Richie an idiot, all while smiling ear to ear. In the darker, more dirty depths of his mind, he wanted Eddie to be the one he was touching, kissing and holding. For a while, he was successful in imagining it really was. The kisses became more passionate, the movements more deliberate. 

The fantasy came to a screeching halt when her chest collided with his.  He immediately backed up, visibly repulsed with the girl beneath him and disgusted with himself for indulging those fantasies. Samantha demanded answers, but Richie couldn't bare to look at her. She smacked her lips together, grabbed her clothes, and stormed off into the bathroom. Surely, he would have had to face her wrath had it not been for Beverly barging into his house and bashing her skull in.

After his talk with Beverly, he was so confused. It followed him as he drove to Eddie’s, which he’d done hundreds of times before, but none of them felt the same as they had today. His palms were sweaty, butterflies danced in his stomach, and he was sure that Diana Ross was somewhere off in the distance, singing those ridiculous love songs. He silently wondered if these feelings had always been there, coming to life whenever Eddie was around. And it took him till this very moment--the thought of losing Eddie to realize that kissing him wasn’t where he went wrong. Hell, the sparks he felt as he pressed his lips against Eddie’s were undeniable. He had never experienced something that felt so right.

 No, the only mistake he made was running away, bottling up the whole situation as a way of further denying his own feelings. Single handedly, he destroyed their entire friendship. So, why was Eddie having to pay the price?

As the truth came to light, Richie felt himself becoming blazed with unadulterated anger. He wanted to scream, bang his head onto a hard surface until he passed out, and the thought of ripping out his hair crossed his mind. Anything to avoid facing the fact that he had failed Eddie. He knew that he was to blame, and it was too much to bare.

"Fuck you, Bill! I thought you learned your lesson from the last time; when you dragged us into that fucking crack house, but apparently fucking not!" Richie seethed.

Bill's eyes went wide, and his face twisted into a deep scowl. Richie wasn’t specific, but Bill knew exactly what he meant.  “You k-know what? Fuck y-you too! You need Eddie w-w-way more than he needs you! All you do is f-fuck everything up and-" Before he could finish his sentence, Stan grabbed onto his arms and began directing him down the stairs. 

The curly haired teen inhaled sharply, but he didn’t bother trying to formulate a response. He could feel Beverly breathing deeply from behind his back. Slowly, her hands slipped from his waist and she brought her hands up to her mouth in shock. “Richie... that was uncalled for. I know you're worried about Eddie, we all are. But you guys can’t-”

“-I don’t want to hear this right now, Bev. Save the lecture for another time.” Richie interrupted, beginning to walk towards Eddie’s door. He paused for a moment, looking back at Beverly with glassy eyes.

  
“What…” He hesitated, biting his bottom lip. His long fingers fumbled with the knob. “What if he doesn’t want to see me? Bill said that he was better off without _me_. What if he’s right?”

  
Beverly sighed before placing her hands upon Richie’s broad shoulders. “Fuck what Bill said, Richie. He was just stressed out. Don’t take anything he said to heart.” She spared him a smile, “Now let’s go see our boy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I haven't updated in over a month. I've been sick, hurt, busy with school and the holiday season. I'm sorry that I haven't gotten to the part where Richie will see Eddie yet, but I have a HORRIBLE case of writers block from not writing for a while. I've had most of this written and had every intention of revealing how Richie react in this chapter, but I don't want to rush it. I also didn't want to prolong posting a chapter any further because you guys have all been waiting so patiently. Again, I'm so sorry for the delay. If you have any ideas, please message them to @prettyblossoms on Tumblr! The next chapter will be longer, I PINKY PROMISE. Also, if you find any TERRIBLE errors let me know. My laptop crashed right as I was about to post and I'm having to do this all on my phone.


End file.
